Roz – Page 18 – Serenity Through Sweat

Providing as a Father

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. The continually changing situation we find ourselves in with COVID-19 has got me thinking more about an eventual conversation I will undoubtedly have with my son.

I’ve day dreamt about this since my wife first told me she was pregnant. My child comes home from school and is tasked with asking his father what it means to be a man, and report back to the class. That’s a doozy of question and I don’t think it has a clear cut answer. Gender norms and 2020 politics and posturing aside, a large aspect of the answer for me always comes down to being a provider.

Being a provider can mean different things to different people, and it certainly meant something different to me just a few months ago. With uncertainty in my career and my ability to bring home a paycheck, what does being a provider mean?

I had already planned to be out of work for April, awaiting our second child, so this coming month at least isn’t a total shock. During this time, I’m trying to keep my focus on being a man, and being a provider within that capacity. While I may not be able to provide a paycheck (I do have some PTO to go with my FMLA) there are a lot of things I can provide regardless of the circumstances.

I can provide a loving and caring atmosphere. At two and change years old my son doesn’t really have any concept of what’s going on. He just knows daddy is spending a lot more time with him reading books, coloring, riding bikes, and chasing the garbage truck around the neighborhood. He doesn’t understand the weight of the world situation, and I can control the vibe he does feel and provide that positive environment.

I can provide a positive example. It is easy to start a self pity party with all the negative effects of this pandemic, but self pity is a wasted emotion. Lord knows I’ve spent more than my fair share of time at my own pity party, and every day is a struggle, but RSVP’ING NO is a choice I can make for my little guy. It does make it easier that he has no context for the situation and thus no empathy. If daddy is being sullen and sulky, he will pick up on that in a heartbeat. So soldiering on with a smile for the little guy is the only way forward.

I can provide household relief. Even when working a full schedule I do the lions share of cooking and a decent amount of cleaning, laundry, landscaping, and other household tasks. It means a lot to me that I can have some control over the food we put in our bodies and that I can provide healthy and nutritious meals for our family. With additional time home I can expand upon those tasks to help my family.

A few posts ago I talked about changing our world view to adapt to new demands. This is a change in world view for me, about being the best father and husband I can be, in a dynamic and uncertain world.

I’m grateful for a great many things in this life, and being able to maintain some semblance of calm in the chaos, and provide some positivity as a father and a husband in these turbulent times is one of them.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat in quarantine, bike rides with the family finding “stinky dirty” the orange digger. A solo ride with Layla. Throwing some arrows down range at 20yds. A quick sweaty run, and last but not least, working on my artistic skills to keep the little guy interested in things to color.

Running Through the Rage

All alliteration aside, thanks for joining me for another edition of the Serenity Through Sweat blog. I think all of us have trouble adapting to new situations, and the new routines brought on by COVID-19 are no exception. This resistance to change alone is enough to bring out the worst in us, add some bad news to the mix and it is a recipe for disaster.

This was the situation I found myself in this afternoon. I was feeling sorry for myself and my new role at home. I was frustrated by the reversal of rolls, where normally I’m the one working and my wife is the one taking care of our son while I’m gone. I was envious of my Rockstar wife who is rolling with the punches and solving problems at her job remotely while 38 weeks pregnant. I had just put my son down for his nap and opened up my email to find some work related rage induction.

Without going on to detail, and without throwing out any technical jargon, let’s just say someone didn’t live up to the intended spirit of an agreement. On top of my self pity, this new development sent me into full blown rage.

Fortunately, I’m no stranger to rage. I spent a large portion of my youth in the state, both knowingly and unknowingly. And, as you might guess, the best medicine for me is sweat. Thankfully El Duderino had gone down for his nap without a fight, and I was able to strap on my running shoes.

Rage, can be a huge motivator. It can also be a curse. The key is how it is managed. I like to think of it like NO² going in to a car. It can make your car go faster, or it can blow the piston rods out of the cylinder. But Serenity, can always be in the driver’s seat.

I was out the door, fueled by rage, but managed by Serenity. The NO² was in the tank, but the driver was listening to Beethoven and sipping a latte. I ran a PR 10k, and was able to maintain cadence and stride form throughout.

Serenity Through Sweat consistently provides me a positive outlet for my rage. The mindset that the circumstances of our life that enrage us can fuel the fire to build a better tomorrow, is a great way for all of us to look at this crisis.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

“Keep in mind that a mans just as good as his word.
It takes twice as long to build bridges you burn.
And there is hurt you can cause time alone cannot heal.
Keep your nose on the grind stone and out of the pills.” Tyler Childers Nose on the Grindstone

Dystopian Shopping

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. There is a lot of craziness going on in the world today and obviously there are lots of different ways to approach it. Trying to find the silver lining, I have had a lot more time for acts of self betterment, parenting, reading, drawing, exercise, mobility work… The list goes on.

I recently finished Altered Carbon a 2002 book by Richard Morgan that was recently turned into a Netflix special. In a dystopian future where human consciousness is recorded and transferrable between bodies, death has less to do with your physical entity and more to do with your downloadable content. In the book I found a wonderfully telling passage that made me think about some of our current struggle with COVID-19.

The man character Takeshi Kovacs, is on his way to go shopping for some new clothes and weaponry for his job as a private investigator. He has a flashback to a life he lived over a hundred years ago in a different body (I know that sounds weird, but the point of the book is downloading human consciousness into different bodies) and a discussion about shopping. To paraphrase, he used to think shopping was a mundane activity of necessity. You need something, you go to a place to procure it and the transaction is complete. His memory of the conversation that changes his mind is then brought forth.

His friend from a former life explains that we have the technology to doorstep deliver everything we need, but shopping as a physical activity, has never been phased out of human culture. Despite having the technology to remove it altogether, society has subconsciously decided that shopping is a physical activity that satiates a human desire for accumulation and interaction. It is a part of our culture and wired into us like DNA.

A captain I flew with once proudly told me he refused to pay for a cup of coffee at a hotel when they told him it cost $5 for just a black coffee. I told him I agree that $5 for a cup of black coffee is expensive but I don’t mind paying for a story. Tell me about the farmer who grew the beans and where they were grown. Tell me about the buyer who traveled there and bought them and roasted them. Tell me about the barista who stocked them and the method used to brew them. If the answer is Folgers from the grocery store, then probably not a good value for $5. (Sorry to pick on Folgers, no hard feelings) But, if there is a story and multiple human interactions involved, now we are filling in some human needs, and I can appreciate where my money is going.

I think this is an insidious part of the challenge that we are currently facing. Even if you have some financial stability, and you have a few days worth of supplies in your home, there is still a longing for human interaction outside of the dwelling that no amount of Netflix or virtual museum tour will satiate. The act of shopping, strolling through a farmers market, perusing the produce aisle, or simply trying to decide on dinner, are all cultural behaviors that have been ripped away suddenly like an old band-aid.

As we struggle to embrace the changes to our everyday routines, technology like home delivery and curbside pickup are powerful tools. But it is also important to remember what we want to get back to, which is that most basic of human interactions. I hope that we can all maintain some modicum of serenity, until that time.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week in social distancing has changed my normal workout pattern, but I was able to spend some more time on two wheels than I otherwise would have. One ride with El Duderino where we saw an alligator which he now needs to hear the story of every night before bed. And the other was some much needed time with Layla, my Tri bike.

Paradigm Shift

There is a lot of craziness in the world right now. There is great cause for anxiety and fear, but also great cause for optimism. Following Maslow’s hierarchy, I think we are all due for a reset and a paradigm shift.

If you aren’t familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy, it goes like this. There are different levels of human needs which must be met in a ascending order prior to moving on to the next step. The idea is, as humans we are motivated by these needs until they are fulfilled. The hierarchy goes: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self actualization.

Prior to the Covid-19 outbreak, most readers of this blog where probably oscillating between levels 3-5. Not worrying about their job, where their next meal was coming from and having at least some form of social support structure either family or friends. The last two levels are tricky to obtain and maintain, and while Serenity through Sweat as an idea is a big part of it for me, they are largely “first world struggles”.

This pandemic will change a lot of that. We are just starting to see large scale closures in the U.S. The larger economic, social, and emotional/psychological impacts have yet to manifest. But, it is likely many of us will be focusing on primarily on levels 1-3 in the hierarchy for the next few months.

Like I started the post with, this can be a cause for anxiety and fear but also an incredible opportunity. This will be an opportunity to find our own strength, creativity, and innovation. An opportunity to solve problems we weren’t aware we had, and sure up holes in a system we were complacent with.

It’s also a time to shift our focus and realign our world view. My paradigm for this blog has been (as my bio states) as a father, a husband, a pilot, and a lifelong athlete. For the immediate future I’m not doing a whole lot of flying. A global pandemic and an immuno compromised pregnant wife and soon to be newborn don’t mix. I find peace in physical exertion and movement, (SerenityThroughSweat, duh) but anything with a group is out for the near future as well. That leaves half of my self described bio in some form of disrepair.

I’m fortunate enough to be in a place where I can still focus on my higher needs (3-5) at least for the time being. I’m nervous and excited to lean in to what that paradigm shift will be. More time focusing on being a better father and a husband, and filling the holes left from the other two large aspects of my life.

I hope that we are all able to see the silver lining in this global event. I hope that we can all shift our paradigms, to realign on that which is most important. And I hope we can each find our own little slice of Serenity.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s SerenityThroughSweat, chasing “stinky dirty” around the neighborhood in the jogging stroller for some morning miles.

Facilitate the Exchange

I attended the Florida Institute of Technology for the better part of a decade. I graduated early with a BS in Aviation Management with Flight, and then continued part time eventually finishing my Masters in Airport Management and Development. The primary purpose of my higher education was always to place myself in the cockpit, but because both degrees are management relayed, I took a lot of business courses.

I have never been terribly excited by business and especially by business classes, but I always appreciate an opportunity to learn. A large portion of that material has been filed away or lost due to disuse, but one thing my marketing professor said always stuck with me.

I don’t remember a whole lot about that class, and I dont even remember his name, but I remember him telling us that marketing is just facilitating the exchange of goods between the seller and the buyer. That phrase and that concept was something that I have used and referred to in multiple different contexts ever since then.

In the marketing sense, facilitating the exchange is about bring buyers of goods and sellers of good together, whether they were looking for each other initially or not. Outside of marketing I use it in many different ways but it is mostly about making things easier or convenient. If there are other people involved, remove the roadblocks to the desired outcome.

In a fitness context I use this idea to remove all my excuses to train. I plan out my week and hold myself accountable. If I need to wake up early, I’ll set my alarm, lay out my gear, and do any prep work I can the night before. With social distancing now in full effect I’ve removed myself from the BJJ gym, but running, cycling, kettlebells, sandbags, and the Monkii system are all tools at my disposal. If I’m in dad mode all day I’ll run with the stroller or do push-ups with El Duderino on my back. The point is I do what I can to facilitate my fitness

In a personal context, facilitating the exchange can not only help you achieve the outcome you want, but make it a win-win for everyone involved. When talking to your children or your partner instead of saying “do you need any help?” you can say “how can I help you?”. The subtle difference facilitates the main idea (you helping), and directs them down a pathway to make sure that help comes in a way that is needed. If you are asking for someone’s help, do the homework first. Understand your question and what it is you really need before asking someone else to solve your problem. Make it easier for them to provide their assistance

As we continue this period of uncertainty around Covid-19, remove the roadblocks to spending time with your loved ones in person if it is safe to do so, or digitally otherwise. Facilitate time for your well being, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Facilitate communication especially on difficult topics, health, finance, politics, with your spouse, neighbors, employers as needed. Facilitate the way to a better you, regardless of the chaos and craziness of the outside world

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, 5 miles in the mid day Florida sun.

Stockpiling

Welcome to 2020, where the American people have become hoarders of toilet paper. As a husband of a pregnant wife, there is plenty to be concerned about the current events, and as a long time resident of Florida, I’m no stranger to the histeria that leads to stockpiling supplies. That being said, there is one thing I’m always stockpiling, and it is a huge asset to have in your backup plan.

I’m talking about fitness, overall wellbeing, and of course serenity. Obviously any fitness and/or wellbeing pursuit is valuable in and of itself. It also caries its own sort of insurance against future uncertainty. Whatever happens, or doesn’t happen, you will be in a better place to deal with it from a place of fitness, general wellbeing, and serenity.

This is even more important when there is a known or forecast period of uncertainty ahead. Who knows where this virus will end up, public places especially ones where multiple people are sweating and touching communal surfaces might end up being shut down temporarily. Will you be any worse off if you “stockpile your fitness”.

As a father expecting a new child soon, I know my sleep and my free time will be limited. Extra training now will help carry me into that period of uncertainty and leave me better off to return to regular training after what will inevitably be a period of reduced fitness load (although caring for a newborn is a full time routine of its own).

Mental and emotional wellbeing should be treated the same way. Know you have a stressful project coming up at work, or some other challenging life event on the horizon? Just like trying to build momentum before climbing a hill on your bike, building a positive mental and emotional foundation can help carry you through times of uncertainty.

So stop stashing supplies and switch to stockpiling strength, stamina, swagger, sweat, and serenity. All alliteration aside, when a sinister storm suddenly sneaks up, you’ll be all set. Next to the rice, beans, toilet paper, and beer, don’t forget to leave room for all the serenity and sweat.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, chasing “stinky dirty” the garbage truck on a stroller run to the playground with El Duderino. Some simple and sinister kettlebells during his nap, and some mobility work in the bottom of the squat position while he is potty training.

The Trinity Nature of Serenity Through Sweat

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Today I want to talk about what SerenityThroughSweat means to me or realistically all of the different things it means to me.

I grew up Roman Catholic and one of the main tenants and most difficult to fully comprehend is the nature of the Holy Trinity. Without getting into to much Dogma, Catholics believe in three essences with the same being of God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but all one God.

I feel very similarly about Serenity Through Sweat. To me the Trinity of Serenity Through Sweat is a momentary feeling, a journey, and a destination.

The momentary feeling can show itself in a lot of different forms. Some might call it a runners high. For others it might be the quiet solitude and mental clarity after a workout. It might be a PR or a technique you hit in a roll for the first time. The point is, it is fleeting feeling. Part of the beauty and the allure is that it is fleeting and it leaves you chasing more.

Which leads us to the journey. If you chase enough of those fleeting moments, you can eventually find an appreciation for journey. The habits and relationships formed while seeking the moments, become a source of pleasure, especially if you can already them in the present, and not just in retrospect. Finding joy in the journey also helps deepen the appreciation of the moments.

Finally, we have Serenity as a destination. This idea constantly eludes me and I find it a bit ethereal and hard to pin down a definition. The characteristics of the destination tend to shift and change with my mood as I think about it. Most of the time I think about a mental state of peace (hence Serenity through Sweat). I should clarify this doesn’t mean a state without struggle, but rather a state that embraces and appreciates, rather than laments the struggle. I think about a mental state of Zen whereby the path to the mental state of serenity is paved with our sweat, physically mentally and emotionally. I’m not sure if this is a mental state or destination that is actually achievable, or if it is more of a “shoot for the moon and you’ll land in the stars” type of destination.

All three parts are separate and have their own important place, but all three parts also build off of each other to make the whole idea greater.

Today’s Serenity Through Sweat was an 8 mile hike in the Bay’s Mountain recreation area. Last night I stayed up to watch the UFC card and ate at Buffalo wild wings while watching. As a result, I spent the better part of the hike doing some epic butt clenching to avoid what would have otherwise been an explosive situation.

I did have a really cool moment where I stumbled upon some friends. I say stumbled because I hiked with one headphone in and one ear open. This let me catch up on some JRE as well as be somewhat in tune with my surroundings. I had just finished listening to Adam Curry, and had just queued up Gary Clark Jr and Suzzane Santo who were jamming when I heard a very faint rustling.

There were seven of them in total and they weren’t the least but phased by me being there. I took a few moments to appreciate how lucky I am to have these cool experiences, especially while at work on a layover. Another moment of Serenity, another brick laid on the path.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Peaceful Vs. Harmless

Thanks for joining me here at the SerenityThroughSweat blog, this is the third of a three post series that all kind of ties together. The previous posts (Finding Calm in the Chaos, and Fostering Comfort) are available here, and set the stage for today’s post.

To summarize, finding calm in the chaos is a mental skill of being able to relax within ourselves when things start going crazy. The only way to do that is to actively put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and develop a level of comfort there. In today’s post we will talk about testing those theories so they can be managed and improved.

Most of us probably have a friend, family member, or co-worker, who we can describe as calm. But what does that mean, and how does it help us on our way to serenity? The following quote from Stefan Grant got me thinking about our calm and comfort discussion, “you cannot truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of great violence, if you aren’t capable of violence, you aren’t peaceful you’re harmless, important distinction”

As a martial artist and a lifelong grappler, this speaks volumes to me, and it is a paradigm that I believe most martial artists have, often times without realizing it. When practicing any technique that has the potential to harm a training partner or an opponent, a certain level of restraint and personal mastery is required. Those that lack this restraint are generally weeded out entirely or exist only on the fringes. This is the heart of the case for being peaceful instead of harmless. Skilled practitioners who are able to continue training without hurting their partners/opponents, are capable of violence, but are also capable of harnessing that violence into a peaceful practice.

I believe the same mindset applies to calm and comfort. If you haven’t fostered your comfort or calm from a place of discomfort, you aren’t comfortable, you are complacent. Only by fostering a sense of comfort through times of discomfort, whether naturally occurring or manufactured, can we truly be comfortable. Just like a man can only be brave when he is afraid, he can only be comfortable and calm when amidst chaos. This is the measure by which we can test ourselves.

I think it is a fair assumption to say that calm, comfortable, and peaceful are all desirable qualities. So in turn, managed and risk assessed, violence, chaos, and discomfort, should be embraced as learning tools and opportunities. I should point out this IS NOT me advocating for violence or chaos in a classical sense. But, it is possible to describe lifting weights in a controlled but violent manner. You can have a training roll or wrestling match that is chaotic. You can have large portions of workouts that are both physically and mentally uncomfortable. All of these can also describe family or professional situations. How many times could you have described your work day as chaotic? These words (violence, chaos, discomfort) are merely descriptors, and can take on different connotations based on contextual intentions.

The path to Serenity through Sweat is paved with uncomfortable, chaotic, and violent scenarios. And navigating that path requires us to find our calm, foster our comfort and maintain a peaceful practice. Luckily for us, the path is long and the opportunities are many.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, 10 miles on the Buffalo Bayou trail and then some mobility work for the #14daymobility challenge.

Fostering Comfort

Thanks for joining me for the second of a three part post. The previous post (Finding Calm in the Chaos) talks about the mental space required to push through when we start feeling overwhelmed, this post will talk a little about how we can build that skill.

There is a line in the first chapter of the first book of game of thrones where Ned Stark lays down some serious wisdom to his young son Bran. Bran is about to watch his first execution “bran thought about it, ‘Can a man still be brave if he is afraid?’. ‘That is the only time he can be brave’ his father told him.”

The lesson here is something that transcends literature and the father son dynamic. The true accomplishment worthy of recognition, is the overcoming of the obstacle, being brave when you are afraid. Being brave absent of fear is uneducated bravado, but overcoming fear in spite of the knowledge and understanding of it, is worthy of praise. The same can be said for fostering comfort in uncomfortable situations. It is only an accomplishment to cultivate a sense of comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable situation.

One of the things that I appreciate having wrestled and grappled for the majority of my life is the plethora of opportunity to foster comfort in uncomfortable situations. Not that this is a skill that is easy to develop, but grappling, especially during formative years provides plenty of opportunity to develop the skill.

It is also a skill that largely defines the arena of triathlon. The argument can be made that a grappler can find success because of his/her ability to be more comfortable than the opponent, or because of technical advantage. In triathlon, most competitors are on the same technical playing field when it comes to running, cycling, and swimming, or at least close enough to not make a huge difference, especially in the long courses. So often times the difference comes down to who can be the most comfortable when pushing into that uncomfortable zone.

Being comfortable in uncomfortable positions can be bit of an ambiguous idea, so I’ll define what it means to me. The ability to maintain composure, deescalate breathing and heart rate, and think tactically while under some form of duress, are critical skills in both sport and life. This is also a skill that can only be improved within itself.

For example if you want to run faster you obviously have to run, but you might also stretch, lift, or do plyometrics. The skill of running faster can be improved outside of running, by different forms of cross training. There is no cross training for being uncomfortable. Learning how to be comfortable, can only happen by repeatedly being exposed to uncomfortable situations.

Being comfortable in uncomfortable situations is a skill that builds on itself, meaning, the better you get at it, the more you can do it. The greater ability you have to remain calm under pressure, the longer you can stay under pressure and still perform. Similar to swimming, the better you are at it, the faster you can go with less effort. This is also a skill that can translate to your personal and professional life as well.

Maybe it is a group project at work with some interpersonal friction that is causing an uncomfortable situation. Or it could be a tricky parenting decision, but either way, maintaining composure and thinking tactically (finding comfort) is the key to navigating these uncomfortable situations.

Next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, try to dig in and embrace it. Maintain to your composure and appreciate the opportunity to grow the skill of fostering comfort. Once you’ve got that down you can start to manufacture your own discomfort to improve your adaptation response (similar to what we talked about in smooth seas). Being comfortable in uncomfortable situations can help us all on the journey towards Serenity.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through sweat, 30min peleton HIIT ride and some simple and sinister KBs, and then some mobilization work from The Ready State

Finding Calm in the Chaos

It’s 2:45 in the morning and I’ve just finished a much needed guys night with some great friends. It’s things like this that remind me to try to take stock of events as they are happening.

It is a skill that is easier said than done. Finding calm in the Chaos is a skill, and the ironic part is you have to put yourself in Chaos’s way continuously, in order to refine the skill.

I had done a number of triathlons before Ironman FL in 2013, but nothing prepared me for the swim start. I had done numerous open water swims both solo and within a race context, but nothing was the caliber of 1500 athletes scrambling over top of each other for position.

There were several moments within the first 10 minutes of the race where I thought about giving up. This was an event I had trained for specifically for 6 months and had signed up for more than a year in advance. A goal I had been training for, for years. And I saw it all, realistically coming to an end, minutes after it began.

I have described it to people by saying, “the first 10 minutes, I touched more people than water”. That goes a long way for describing a swim in the gulf of Mexico. But, after those first 10 excruciating minutes, I was able to settle in to the familiar calm of my training. I had put in enough training time to find calm in the chaos of both my mind and the outer world. At a certain point, they are much the same.

Obviously there are things within our control and those that are outside of our control. But often the greatest challenges we face are those mental barriers that we set for ourselves. Being able to find calm within the chaos in a gym setting, will help you better navigate the problems that may arise in the boardroom or cubicle.

Struggling mentally and physically, or, finding calm in the chaos, is a transferable skill, and something you can get better with, with practice. We can all cultivate in ourselves the the inner strength to persevere, if we can only reach for it in our most desperate hour.

After a very rocky IM swim start, I was able to not only beat my swim time goal, but beat my overall race goal. Finding calm in the chaos was the saving grace for my race and for my overall perspective. It is a hard earned skill that contributes to pay dividends.

Thank for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.