Fatherhood – Page 4 – Serenity Through Sweat

Uh-Oh

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been doing some research on a new project that is a somewhat related labor of love to the blog. While I’m not ready to reveal the details of the project just yet, it is based around language and communication.

I remember having a conversation with one of my ultimate frisbee and triathlon friends Josh, where he used the analogy of an iceberg to describe hobbies. Like the behemoth that sank the Titanic, only 10 percent was visible from the surface, the rest was hidden underwater. Almost any activity worth pursuing, tends to have the same characteristic, especially when being observed by a beginner.

The only way you will ever know how big the iceberg is, and how deep it goes, is to get wet and dive in to the topic headfirst.

So for the past few weeks I have been swimming in the waters of language and communication, getting just the beginnings of sense, of how big the iceberg really is.

This blog in many ways, has been a learning tool for me. A means by which I can grow as a writer, communicator, father , and so many more things.

This quote from Jerrold J. Katz in The Philosophy of Language, describes this idea eloquently, if not for the over academic rhetoric;

Don Quixote and sancho out to slay the dinosaur

“the process of linguistic communication is conceived as one in which the speaker, in his production of speech, encodes his inner, private thoughts and ideas in the form of some external, publicly observable, acoustic phenomena, and the hearer, in his comprehension of speech, decodes the structure of such objective phenomena in the form of an inner, private experience of the same thoughts and ideas. Language is thus viewed as an instrument of communication of thoughts and ideas which enables those who know the same language to associate the same meanings with each of the significant sound sequences in the language.”

Katz is obviously talking in this example about spoken language, but the same concept applies to written language. It is an instrument by which we convey inner, private experience of thoughts and ideas to one another.

Yet as anyone who is married, or has kids, or both, can attest, there is great frustration when the inner private thoughts of the speaker (or writer) and the hearer (or reader) don’t sync up.

Meal prepping for my solo stay with the boys, brisket, burnt ends, sausage lava balls, and smoked cream cheese.

This is one of the greatest causes of frustration for all humans, and the instrument in question (language/communication) is one whopper of an iceberg.

It was with this research fresh in my mind, that I noticed a particularly behavior in Speedy that is as relevant as it is adorable (except for the cleaning up)

Speedy is babbling a lot, (as most 16 month old do), but it’s also becoming more effective at communicating his wants and needs. One thing he has picked up on is “Uh-Oh”

Speedy before he starts experimenting with gravity

It normally takes him a few tries, you may hear an “uh-uh”, an “oh-uh”, or even an “oh-oh” before he gets it right, but eventually the “Uh-Oh” comes out, normally followed by a parentally reciprocated smile.

Speedy has figured out that contextually, this particular instrument of language is often uttered when something falls. Of course for those of us using it in a classical sense this means whatever was dropped was on accident.

Speedy often takes a more deliberate approach in order to practice his new favorite language instrument, throwing whatever he can get a hold of off his highchair tray and then practicing his vocalizations.

Speedy mastering the Uh-Oh after the food throw

Without totally ruling out that my 16 month old has a strong grasp of irony (not unreasonable considering his genetic makeup), he is using his language instrument in the way he has observed his brother, mother, and me use it. When something hits the floor we often say “Uh-Oh”. Still, I can assure you regardless of my reciprocated smile, our private inner thoughts are not the same after the fourteenth broccoli floret finds the floor.

His I can only presume is an inner thought of triumph at both the correct usage of “Uh-Oh”as well as the mastery of the modern marvel that is gravity. My inner thoughts vary from amused to annoyed based on what iteration we are currently on.

It is relatively easy with a 16 month old to see when the communication process breaks down. Especially with modern means of mass communication, how many “Uh-Oh” moments do you come across in a given day? Is it possible you have some without even realizing it?

Lots of sprint watts and lots of miles on the trainer

Words are hard, finding the right ones is even harder, and trying to understand someone elses private inner thoughts based on sometimes inadequate word choices is next to impossible. Language is the instrument that sets us apart, and serenity awaits those who can matter their instrument.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

This week also saw a short run, a kettlebell workout, and a (hopefully) minor injury on my return to Jui jitsu.

Solitude

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about solitude, and how it changes throughout the many topics (parenthood, travel, and sport) we cover together.

This particular week saw me in the dog house with my lovely wife. The details of which are a story for another time, but suffice it to say what can already be a lonely job, felt even lonelier.

It got me thinking about the times when I find my serenity in solitude, and the times when I find only sorrow, and what makes them different.

Triathlon tends to be a lonely sport. As does any endurance sport, especially as the distance you cover gets longer and longer. Sure you will have friends and training partners for support, but there is no getting around long days and miles with nothing but your thoughts.

Most of the time this is an escape, and a peaceful place. Even on those days where the demons need to be put down, I’ve always felt that we are at least on an equal playing field under the stresses of self induced cardiovascular effort.

Grappling is unique in that it is almost impossible to train alone, but competition is always a solo event. You are always preparing to bear the sole responsibility of your performance, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

As a parent of two young boys, solitude is often viewed an oasis, a place devoid of the constant needs of children who are not yet self sufficient. That same solitude can also be a a trap, bringing with it a sense of loss from lack of adult communication and connection.

Flying presents a unique form of solitude that presents a double edged sword similar to that of parenthood. I don’t have coworkers in the sense of seeing the same people day in and day out. This presents a wonderful opportunity to learn from and share experiences with a lot of different people, but is somewhat preventative to the formation of more meaningful relationships that come out of more consistant proximity. I also have a very different schedule than many of my non aviation friends, so scheduling social events can be quite difficult.

On the plus side, time alone, especially in changing settings, can bring with it new appreciation and new perspective. A change of scenery is seldom a bad thing especially when approached with the right attitude.

Leaving my serenity behind for the next Peleton user in ATL

Set, setting, and dosage, appear to be the key difference makers in the outcome of solitude. Is it solitude that you are actively seeking out, or that you are being forced in to? Are you in control of it’s duration? Are you otherwise actively engaged while you are alone? These can all change solitude from that place of serenity, to the prison of sorrow.

I’m grateful that for the most part, my solitude is a result of my own choosing, and a place where I can actively seek serenity and solace. And, on those rare occasions when solitude is not my choice, it is a good place for reflection, so long as I’m able to get past my own emotional baggage. Lots of time invested in the former, tends to help the latter.

Some extra sweaty morning miles in Columbia SC

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Empathy

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. After a busy week on vacation we are back and better than ever, with an interesting take on empathy.

The following article was posted on Sunday’s with Sisson, and was an incredibly compelling read. The cliff notes version is that consumption of physical painkillers (acetaminophen was used in the experiment testing) blunt not only our own pain, but also our neurochemical pathways for empathy for the pain of another.

That’s a pretty heavy scientific finding, and as the author’s put it, “Because empathy regulates prosocial and antisocial behavior, these drug-induced reductions in empathy raise concerns about the broader social side effects of acetaminophen, which is taken by almost a quarter of adults in the United States each week.”

I’m going to take a somewhat anti NSAID (non steroidal anti inflammatory drug) position in this post, but I want to clarify that these products have their important uses and have both improved and saved lives.

Acetaminophen as a fever reducer, especially for infants is a godsend. Pain management is a critical component to successful outcomes in many surgical, medical, and rehabilitation environments.

That being said, it is easy to misuse and abuse. That is coming from a guilty party, who spent the better part of my wrestling career eating Tylenol, Advil, and Aleve like a unsupervised child in a candy store.

Speedy’s first flight and a beautiful day at the beach

I remember a conversation I had with my wife after first starting jui jitsu, that despite being very similar to wrestling, my mindset was so much different in my practice of the gentle art. I remember telling her how I used to run through training partners in the wrestling room. In the pursuit of my own competitive goals, I pushed some of my teammates beyond their athletic comfort level, sometimes into over exertion and injury. There wasn’t any room for feelings or slowing down to teach them, it was all about me.

Contrast that with my practice of Jui Jitsu where I spend a lot of time explaining to someone how a position or scenario unfolded, and what they could have done differently, or posing those same questions to my brothers and sisters on the mat with a reasonable expectation that they will be answered. I start each round asking my training partners about their level of preparedness prior to each roll, how they are feeling, positions that they want to work on or avoid based on injury or weakness.

There is a gentleman’s agreement amongst almost all Jui Jitsu practitioners, that even if someone is too stubborn to tap out, it is your responsibility to your training partners to maintain their safety, especially above and beyond any of your own training goals. This same concept applies to an extent in wrestling, (you are responsible for safely returning an opponent to the mat when you forcefully remove them from it). But, because of the differences in rule sets, wrestling can largely be about moving someone where they don’t want to go, rather than systematically attacking from the changing positions you find yourself in, in Jiu Jitsu.

Some may say that wrestling is inherently more of a tough, grinding, grappling sport, when compared to the flow of jui jitsu, and they may be right. It can also be said that even my own stunted emotional maturity in my thirties is still light-years beyond that of my late teens. I would say however, that there is a significant difference in my self medication habits between the two periods of similar grappling activity, and I’m wondering how much of a impact this has had on my empathy, and thus my social engagement.

Beyond sport, there is nothing quite like being a parent to enhance and clarify your sense of empathy. There is something about carrying a kicking and screaming child that enables that neural pathway to empathize with all the other parents who have gone down the path before.

And if it takes a village to raise a child, as they say, sharing in the emotional well-being of said villiage is in the best interest of all the parents.

As I chased a screaming El Duderino around the Southern tier brewery’s outdoor seating area, and tried to keep him from terrorizing his little brother as well as the other patrons, I was pleasantly surprised to get a fist bump from a fellow father saying “dad, you’re doing great”.

This man’s empathy put a smile on my face and gave me the extra boost I needed to maintain some modicum of serenity throughout the rest of the afternoon.

So where NSAIDs may well blunt some of our more important social niceties along with some pain, it turns out sunshine and craft beer might just help replace them. (Trust the science)

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Pacing

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I am very excited to talk about pacing.

After signing up for Ironman FL 70.3, and trying to follow a more primal approach to both my diet and my exercise, I have spent the last eight weeks in an aerobic base building phase.

Eight long weeks of limiting my heart rate to 180-age beats per minute. There were times when I felt like I was crawling. There were times when I wanted to spit out the bit, rip off the bridle and let my legs loose. There was more than one occasion where I considered smashing my fancy gps watch with a heart rate monitor, that chirped so innocently at me, reminding me of my departure from aerobic training zones.

Finishing up that base building phase and entering a speed phase felt like being released from a cage. My first sprint workout, the singular focus, the tunnel vision, the wind rushing past my ears, the awareness of the restraint that had been removed to let my legs explode, propelling me down the pavement produced a primal liberation. A liberation not just of my heart, lungs, and legs, but also my mind and my mood.

Endurance training is its own special kind of masochism. There is no way around a little suffering if you want to complete long and hard physical challenges, normally however, they come with a chemical/hormonal reward pathway. This is our body’s way of initiating the fight or flight response, and become better suited to complete those same challenges again in the future. Testosterone, human growth hormone, cortisol, and insulin like growth factor 1, are all elevated after endurance training sessions.

This chemical reward is a notable component of SerenityThroughSweat. I’m not above a little chemically induced serenity, I just prefer sweat as the acquisition currency.

And right back to low and slow miles on a long CAE layover

Limiting yourself to the aerobic zones, removes a significant amount of that chemical reward. Studies show that reduced relative work intensity, especially in trained, as opposed to sedentary individuals, will produce a corresponding reduction in hormonal response.

This meant eight weeks of long, slow, miles in the saddle or on the trail, with an incessant heart rate monitor chirping, and a diminished chemical return at the end. Nonetheless, this aerobic base building is an essential part of my training program, one that requires appropriate pacing.

Typically, pacing is used in the connotation conserving energy, so as not to tire out before the finish. This aerobic only pacing was more like completing the session using only half the tank. This was training with an artificial, and annoying, constraint.

Getting underway on the next SerenityThroughSweat project

There is a purpose to the pacing though. Even at anaerobic sprint intensities, upwards of 70% of your energy come from the aerobic production system. At sub-maximal efforts, like those in most endurance events or everyday activities, that percentage is even higher.

Building your aerobic engine, slogging through those slow, laborious miles, is training the engine that powers the vast majority of your activity. It may not be glamorous, but it is the work that pays dividends.

Training primarily aerobically also paces your body to respond to the chemical and hormonal rewards we mentioned above. The body is much better at noticing relative change, than it is overall levels. Said another way, if you are constantly chasing the a runner’s high into a red zone heart rate, your body will adapt to those elevated chemical levels. If your training is primarily aerobic, those high intensity sessions send a powerful chemical signal because the levels of the suite of growth hormones are elevated, relative to normal training response.

Recovery work and an MAF test, all 150 bpm or below with constant reminders

I see a lot of similarity in my interactions with my boys, especially El Duderino. The emotional and chemical reward I feel when they learn how to do something for the first time is a high I will keep chasing.

But the majority of our interactions seem like a crawl toward progress, (often with the same reminder to keep my heart rate down).

Maybe you are less familiar with burnout from a training regimen, but I think every parent has felt burnout at some point. Pacing, of energy, effort, engagement, and expectations, can make all the difference in finishing a day with hugs and smiles versus resentments, and frustrations.

When in doubt remember that pacing is your friend, and no matter how annoying it is, that incessant chirping reminder to adhere to your pace can help guide you towards serenity.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Health values

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about health values and decision making in health and wellness.

I recently heard Dr. Anthony Balduzzi as a guest on the Primal Blueprint Podcast. Dr. Balduzzi is a naturopathic medical doctor who runs the Fit Father Project, a website and fitness program geared towards helping busy fathers get and stay fit and healthy.

Speedy and El Duderino’s first camping trip

This is a goal that is as admirable as it is enormous, especially considering the myriad of health issues that plague most Americans. What stuck with me more than any of the specifics of Dr. Balduzzi’s health and fitness recommendations, was his take on the use of goal setting.

There is plenty of research and technique on goal setting, how to do it effectively, the benefits it has on outcomes, etc… What Dr. Balduzzi does with his clients, mostly father’s, is get them to link their goals to everyday health and wellness choices.

Getting used to the sleeping bag and the tree tent

While individual daily habits are easy to overlook, if those same habits tie in to your overarching goals they will be easier to maintain.

Want to be able to play with your kids, a morning mobility practice will lubricate muscles and joints and help prevent injury.

Want to go on that family hiking trip, eating a healthy diet and losing a few pounds makes climbing the mountain that much easier.

The best hiking destinations have playground at the end

Want to live long enough to be a part of your grandkid’s lives, a regular exercise routine promotes longevity.

And while it’s sometimes hard to see how reaching for pecans and berries instead of Ben and Jerry’s makes you a better father. If you’re goal is to be able to keep up with your kids on adventures well past your 60’s one of those choices is supporting your goals while the other isn’t.

SerenityThroughSweat is paradoxically both a selfish and at the same time selfless pursuit. The mental and emotional reprieve, the hormonal release, and the physical benefits of SerenityThroughSweat are ones that I alone enjoy. At the same time, being a healthier, stronger, calmer, father and partner is something that pays dividends to the whole family.

Aligning your health and wellness choices with your overarching goals means you need to first identify those. These can be as specific or as broad as they need to be based on your own situation.

Two zwift rides with 3400′ of climbing. Happy to feel back in the saddle with team TriGoodBeer

Maybe you want to be able to plan that family hiking/biking trip, or maybe you just want to dance at your child’s wedding. For me, I never want my health or fitness to be a reason I turn down an opportunity, especially one for a family experience.

While that isn’t always the driving motivation of my health and wellness choices, (that selfish part of SerenityThroughSweat) it is a guiding principle along the journey.

Stroller running El Duderino to the neighboring playground

What are your goals and are your current health, wellness, and lifestyle practices supporting them?

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Flexibility

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’ve had some extended reading time this week, (more on that later) and I’ve been able to work my way through Two Meals a Day by Mark Sisson.

The book goes through diet, nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle changes all in the pursuit of metabolic flexibility. According to Sisson, and his co-author Brad Kearns, metabolic flexibility is “the capacity to match fuel oxidation with fuel availability, or switch between burning carbs and burning fat”.

El Duderino picked out a new toy after successful overnight potty training

The idea is that the Standard American Diet has led most of us down a path of carb dependency. If the body only ever uses carbohydrates as the fuel source it will “forget” how to burn fat as fuel. This is a use it or lose type of bodily mechanism, but one that can be retrained.

Mark and Brad are far more educated and eloquent in all of these areas, and if you are interested in these ideas, Marksdailyapple.com is a great place to learn more.

“Hello, front desk, we need more towels in room 1335” (Speedy *probably)

Beyond the diet and nutrition information, just the idea of flexibility in general is one that I’d like to reflect on. Having spent the majority of my adult life in jobs that are “on call”, and almost my entire life as a grappler, I appreciate the value of flexibility in all of it’s varying forms.

Being on call as a pilot has been an extremely rewarding and empowering career option. On call status forces me into a level of flexibility with regards to planning and prioritization that would otherwise be unattainable. When you never know when you are going to work, or how long you will be away when you do, anything you want to accomplish has to be easily adjusted or rescheduled.

When that post workout cold plunge is dialed in

All martial arts but especially grappling arts demand flexibility in multiple aspects of their application. Many of the techniques and physical movements require a robust flexibility just to be a baseline participant. Because they are arts, different styles emerge that require flexibility in how you attack, defend, and plan tactics and strategy. Finally any training regimen in martial arts is bound to incur bumps, bruises, and the occasional more serious injury, and this demand a flexibility in scheduling and approach to training different from other endeavors.

With a myriad of experience training, grappling, and flying on call, I feel confident in my level of flexibility. Still El Duderino and Speedy find ways to challenge that confidence.

Being a parent has been by far the part of my life that requires the most flexibility. This my come as a shock, but toddlers don’t care about your plans. The tight rope walk of setting boundaries while also modeling flexible behaviors and decision making is a daily struggle.

If metabolic flexibility is being able to seamlessly transition between fuel sources for a more efficient operation of the human machine, I want to model the same sort of seamless transition and flexibility for my boys when plans start to go awry. I want them to see that changed plans can mean new opportunities. I want them to roll with the punches as a part of their world view. I want them to be flexible in mind, body, and emotion, (and metabolicly too) because that represents an optimum human condition.

Much like serenity, flexibility is not a destination to be arrived at, but rather an attribute that must be actively sought after and trained. I hope that I can continue in the pursuit of both flexibility and serenity, and that one day my boys will take up the journey as well.

Back to sweating on hotel cardio equipment, trying to train MAF and fasted.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Energy

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I’m studying up to get back to flying, and I’m thinking about energy.

Flying is in large part a management of energy. You are moving a couple hundred thousand pounds of people, metal and combustibles at very high speeds and very high altitudes, only to return them safely to the ground.

El Duderino burnout the creative energy at Crayola Experience

Acceleration from standing still to eighty percent the speed of sound requires a lot of energy. Descending, decelerating, and configuring for landing, all demand a lower energy state, so that energy must be managed.

Long days flying multiple missions means I have to manage my energy state throughout the day as well. Add in nonstandard sleep schedules in becomes another complex problem to manage.

Most of the decision making that goes into flying an airplane is in one way or another, an energy management decision. For that matter, so is parenting and fitness.

Keeping your pace in check, monitoring your fluid and fuel intake, relegating your heart rate and breathing through the various sets, rolls, and miles, are all forms of energy management.

Speedy standing in the spray at the splash pad

Keeping your kids hydrated, eating real food, on some semblance of a sleep and nap schedule, and definitely running around outside to burn off some of that precious energy is a daily struggle (often one of futility)

Managing that energy properly, in every aspect, leads to better outcomes and it is a delicate balance. Expend too much energy, and you are going to have a hard time slowing down the aircraft and landing, finishing your workout, or dealing with ornery kids. Don’t expend enough energy and you won’t get off the ground, you won’t make any gains, and your kids will be doing backflips at bedtime.

The boys at dino world and sunset over lake Erie

Everything we do requires at least some of our energy, which makes it a precious commodity and one that should be spent wisely. Frank Herbert describes energy in Dune Messiah saying,

“Between depriving a man of one hour of his life and depriving him of his life there exists only a difference of degree. You have done violence to him, consumed his energy.”

While this might be a somewhat extreme view, the idea hits home, especially as I start to get busier. Energy gives you life and it’s your life, manage it wisely. Thanks for using some of yours to spend this time with me.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Control

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to revisit another Dune quote that I was thinking about while wrangling my raging toddler.

I’ve spent the majority of my life in the practice of controlling and manipulating other people’s bodies. Wrestling and jui jitsu, at their core, are martial arts of control.

The rule sets are somewhat different, which alters the strategies, reactions, and the way that engagement with an opponent plays out. But, both are incredibly similar in the objective of controlling and manipulating your opponent into a certain positions or techniques.

With jui jitsu especially, I’m reminded of another Frank Herbert Dune quote. “He who can destroy a thing, has true control over it”

In the context of the book, Herbert is talking about a natural resource, and that the ability to destroy it, but also the ability to be without it after it is destroyed, is the true measure of control.

In jui jitsu, the goal to submit your opponent often manifests as true control of a joint. Armbars, shoulder locks, and chokes, are all a form of control over another person’s body, with the ability to destroy that particular part.

Jui jitsu is self described as the “gentle art”, because despite the ability to destroy another person’s joint being the main focus, it can be practiced (if done correctly) at full intensity, without fear of injury. The same thing is hard to say for other martial arts especially ones with striking.

While Herbert’s definition of control is incredibly accurate and very fitting for grappling arts, I would submit that it is overlooking a different element of control that is equally as important

The last two weeks Speedy and El Duderino have transitioned back into daycare. They visit a small in home facility with a provider that takes wonderful care of them. Speedy has been happy as a Clam, but El Duderino, being older and having spent the past year home with us, is struggling to adjust.

This has brought on many of the inconsolable temper tantrums that “allegedly” were frequent in my younger years. I find myself now on the other side of the equation, and trying to exert over it a modicum of control.

I find it interestingly ironic that a toddler having a temper tantrum can be accurately described as both out of control, and self destructing. If the ability to control a thing is based on the ability to destroy, one if our definitions needs a reworking

Once again I find myself manipulating and controlling bodies, this time a raging toddler instead of a fellow grappler. With that change comes a different meaning of control.

The most difficult opponents to grapple are those that respond and react in unpredictable ways. That sums up the movements of a temper tantrum pretty well. Once it escalates to a level where my 40+ lb tasmanian devil could hurt himself, his little brother, or start breaking things, I step in with the attempt to control.

With just shy of 30 years of grappling experience, it isn’t hard to keep him in positions where the risk of injury or property damage is almost non existent, regardless of his erratic movement. Just like the gentle art he can be at full intensity and I’m not worried about hurting him. But unlike the gentle art, I’m not looking to destroy anything (except maybe his current mood)

This type of control has, as it’s foundational definition, compassion and preservation rather than destruction. When I’m truly in control of him I’m no longer worried about him hurting himself or somebody else. Just like a wrestler who lifts his opponent off the mat is responsible for his safe return, this level of control is focused solely on the safety of the other.

I would argue that while being able to destroy a thing is indeed control over it, being able to prevent it’s destruction requires just as much, if not more control.

I’ve always been grateful for the many gifts that grappling has given back to me over the years. This new level of control is just one more blessing, and one I look forward to sharing with my boys (once they no longer require me to practice it on them of course)

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Running, cycling, and heavy bag with a predatory audience

Lurking

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This past weekend we had a 6ft gator lurking around our backyard. It got me thinking about what other threats are lurking.

I was especially ready to hit the heavy bag on Saturday. My wife had a hernia repair at the beginning of the week. That left me dealing with a rambunctious 3 year old El Duderino, and a nonpliant newly toddling Speedy, neither of which were ready for a week without mommy snuggles.

Our reptilian friend still lurking in the background

I first noticed the gator when I started to hang the heavy bag. The heavy bag seemed to be a magnet, drawing the gator to the water’s surface in the middle of the lake, and then swimming a beeline to the lake’s edge at the foot of my backyard.

With a gator at the water’s edge, I thought about my level of risk aversion, especially while wearing boxing gloves and hand wraps, and being focused on my workout rather than the reptile. The threat was lurking, was I comfortable with it, and was there anything I could do to be more prepared?

Ultimately, it was the thumping of the heavy bag waking up Speedy that ended my workout, not our neighborhood gator. I found myself with my sweat cut short and my serenity still lacking.

My blood still pumping from the first five rounds, my patience worn thin from a challenging week, and now an interrupted sweat session, blinded me to the threat that had been lurking closer and closer throughout the week, my temper.

My wife did not deserve my frustration, but she was the recipient. My boys did nothing out of the ordinary to precipitate my descent from mostly calm fatherhood, but nevertheless there is was.

The threat (my temper) had been building all week, lurking below the surface, and was finally exposed by the accumulation of minutiae.

An old boss and friend you used to tell me “this business is full of traps, what is the trap that is going to get you?”. He wasn’t referring to parenthood or marriage, but I think it applies equally to both.

This week the trap was one of my own making, born out of my inadequacies. To my wife and boys I am sorry. This week I fell short of serenity. But, as El Duderino often says, “maybe we could try again tomorrow to make the good choice”.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Back in the saddle with Layla and some longer running miles with the boys in daycare

Family tradition

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about a family tradition I was able to finally get back to.

Part of the traditional polish Easter meal as far back as I can remember in my family has been pierogi. My family makes pierogi the way Hallmark channel families make Christmas cookies.

There is an assembly line of pierogi production that involves the whole family and consumes not only the entire kitchen but also the entire day.

The dough is made from scratch, rolled and pressed into circular form, before being stuffed and crimped. The cabbage (a family favorite) is sauteed for hours before being ready to fill the pierogi.

Each pierogi has to be boiled and quick cooled before being stored. The pierogi have to be wrapped so they don’t stick to each other in the freezer when it is time to fry them.

I have bypassed this family tradition and labor of love for the past three years since El Duderino was born. Every year I said I wanted to do it, and Easter came and went without me making the time.

Speedy helping crimp pierogi, and acting as official taste tester

The past year has put a lot of things in perspective and a family tradition was not something that I was going to pass on again.

That said, pierogi production isn’t exactly a toddler friendly activity. So my wife and worked together to make sure we could keep the boys active and still share the tradition with them.

She took El Duderino out for the morning and afternoon while I worked at a furious pace during Speedy’s morning nap. I then finished production one handed while holding Speedy after we both stopped for a lunch break.

Despite the fact that El Duderino has passed every time I’ve fried up some pierogi, I’m glad I made the time to share this tradition with my boys, and my family.

There are always a plethora of excuses not to do something, especially with two young boys ruining around. One of my biggest parenting struggles, is deciding what things I want to pass down to my boys and what things inevitably fall by the wayside.

This year family tradition for back in the win column, and I mean to keep it there.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.