Flying – Page 2 – Serenity Through Sweat

Power Curve

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This last week has been all about getting over the case of the cooties as a family, and it reminded me of an old aviation lesson.

Learning how to fly is both art and science. You can learn and apply without getting too deep into the math and engineering side if you are so inclined, but where is the fun in that. For me, the math and science made it real and added to my ability to process the phenomena I was experiencing in the plane.

I did a lot of riding at night after the rest of the cooties filled house was asleep, these two were still behind the power curve

One of those phenomena is the aircraft’s position at any given time along the power curve. The power available curve (or thrust available curve, the difference is important but beyond the scope of today’s discussion) is relatively straight forward. The engine is capable of producing different amounts of maximum power based on engine specifications as well as environmental factors like temperature, pressure, and altitude.

The power required curve is a combination of the different types of drag that the aircraft must overcome based on its particular flying conditions. Some drag is based on pure speed, some is based on how much lift is produced.

When both curves are graphed together (power required vs power available) the image is a power envelope. This envelope allows us to determine scenarios (in this case environmental and airspeed) and how much excess power the aircraft has. How much more power it is capable of producing than what it needs.

Notice at a certain point in the graph, it actually requires more power, (and significantly more power for that matter) to fly a slower airspeed. This is denoted on the graph as the region of reversed command and is also known as flying behind the power curve.

Behind the power curve, is where I found myself in recovery from the cooties. I wasn’t moving as fast, or getting as much done, but It felt like I needed way more power to do it. I was moving a lot slower, but my engine felt like it was closer to red line than it ought to have been.

As the week progressed, I started to move out of the region of reverse command and get back ahead of the power curve. My power envelope and “excess power” expanded for things like resuming training and the extra attention and patience that El Duderino and Speedy often demand.

These zwift rides were a bit more structured as I got back in front of the power curve

Obviously the cooties were a significant environmental factor that put me behind the power curve, but I was thinking about other times I felt that way. Whether it was the Doldrums, over training, poor dietary choices, jealousy, anxiety, nervousness or any of the other negative emotions that can drain excess power.

There are lots of ways to put ourselves behind the power curve, and while an aircraft can and will fly there, it isn’t the most efficient or the most comfortable place to fly. It is important to understand how and why to operate behind the power curve, and it is just as important to know how to get back out in front of it.

This was a warmup lap and then 2 laps for my first zwift race. I have a long way to go but it was a fun experience and felt good to rev the engine

I’m thankful I was able to support my family and recover while on the backside of the power curve. And I’m even more thankful to be back on the other side and back to pushing up the power.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Blanket forts and popsicles help you get back in front of the power curve right?

Unable

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Last night I was squeezing in a short Peleton ride at the hotel gym in the MSP airport after a long, reroute induced day. My favorite instructor (partly because she is so often quotable), Robin Arzon, said something that stuck with me.

I decided I needed to get some additional movement in after eating a late dinner and spending most of the day butt in seat. It was just a short twenty minute hip hop ride, but Robin was able to work in this gem. “no, is a complete sentence”.

El Duderino making Play-Doh medicine so daddy can feel better (may or may not have pushed the limits last week)

She then went on to say, something along the lines of “if it isn’t increasing my bank account, or increasing the vibe of my tribe, the answer is no, and that is part of self care”. While I think the latter part of the statement is a bit more crafted and word smithed, the first part felt more organic and resonated with me.

It is also something that we hear on repeat in the aviation industry but struggle with both inside and outside the cockpit. “Unable” is also a full sentence, and it is one that is extremely important to use.

Speedy getting in some jungle gym action at Crayola

Pilots tend to be not only a mission oriented bunch but also type A personality predominantly. This often leads to pushing beyond a sense of personal comfort to complete the mission.

This is a common occurrence amongst the triathlon and endurance community as well. Pushing past the comfort zone is something that is inherent to those sporting domains and seeps into the everyday decisions that those members tend to make.

Enjoying the splash pad in the land of endless summer

I know I have more hobbies and responsibilities than time, and I often find myself trying to “do all the things”. Not wanting to give up the things that are priorities, but also not saying no when other requests pop up is a real struggle for a lot of us. Doing all the things is never an achievable goal and even aiming that high, knowing and accepting, that you will fall short can still lead to burnout.

This is where “No”, and “Unable”, find their essential place in the conversation. Pilots are very familiar with the term when it comes to the limits of their aircraft. If a controller wants a speed/altitude/heading that isn’t possible or safe, pilots don’t hesitate to play the “unable” card. But, being mission oriented, pilots are more reluctant to assess their own limits the way they would the aircraft.

To be fair, the aircraft comes with a manual, black and white criteria that it can and cannot perform. They are also tested in safe conditions to find their limits, and then placarded, with an appropriate safety margin or course. How familiar are you with your own limits and safety margins? Are they fixed and placarded, or more fluid and malleable?

Getting back in the saddle after race week and a brief cold

With many of my hobbies, part of the draw is testing those limits, finding where they are and how far they can be pushed. The endurance/triathlon community knows all about this. So to does the grappling community, because there is nothing like testing your skill against a brother or sister who is also trying to test themself whilst trying to render you unconscious.

There is something about pushing limits, that pushes the throttle up on life. Life becomes amplified, in way that is addictive. Pushing that throttle up, is not without it’s costs, and limits inevitably need to be pushed further to find that familiar feeling.

Putting in work on the trail and the book on the long DAY layover

It is ok to be unable. It is ok to say No. They are both complete sentences. In spite of the little voice telling you to keep pushing, there is serenity to be found in respecting your limits with complete sentences.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Position

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about how our position on any given issue doesn’t represent who we are.

One of the hardest concepts to get students to connect when I was flight instructing was the relationship of yoke position to aircraft position especially during instrument flight.

Preliminary assessment of aircraft position is normal

First let’s do some aerodynamics 101 to establish the concept and then we can separate it from aviation.

An aircraft rolls by changing the amount of lift produced on each wing. In the picture below, the yoke is turned to the right and the mechanically (or in some cases hydraulically or electronically) connected ailerons move in opposite directions.

The aileron on the right wing moves up which results in less lift being produced on that wing, the aileron on the left is moved down which results in more lift being produced on the left wing. More lift on the left and less lift on the right causes a twisting motion along the longitudinal axis that we call roll.

When you are ready to stop your roll and fly straight and level you would reverse the process. Yoke left, more lift on the right wing to bring it back up to level, less lift on the left wing to bring it down to level.

So far so good right, pretty similar to driving a car. Stability of the longitudinal axis makes things a little bit more complicated as we will see in the picture below

When we move the yoke and roll our aircraft, it will respond based on its inherent level of stability. Like a ball rolled inside a bowl (top picture above) an aircraft with positive static stability will want to return to straight and level flight after it is rolled. When an aircraft has negative static stability, it will continue to roll after an initial displacement, like a ball pushed from the top of a hill (middle picture above).

So when we turn the yoke and start our roll, sometimes the aircraft will continue to roll. This requires the opposite input ie turn the yoke the opposite direction to displace ailerons and input roll a moment against the initial turn.

This results in a yoke (and hand position) that is opposite to the aircraft position (as we see in the picture below). The position of the yoke does not accurately represent the position of the aircraft.

This can obviously be a dangerous situation, especially for new aviators. It is easy to lose situational awareness of how your aircraft is positioned in space, and to then go on to make incorrect decisions or inputs that exacerbate the situation.

I think the same can be said right now about many of our polarizing issues. Regardless of where you stand or even what the issue is, your position on a single issue likely doesn’t accurately represent your overall state. Sometimes I wish it did, it would certainly make things easier.

Kettlebells in the FL sunshine and a 5k in WI

It takes a lot of practice as well as mental energy to ascertain the aircraft’s position in space, and then determine how to maneuver it correctly. Likewise it takes a lot of practice and mental energy to really understand where our neighbors, friends, family, whoever, stands on a given issue. It takes even more to understand how and why they came to that conclusion.

I know I am guilty of finding one particular thing and using that as my indicator of a person’s overall state. It is a bad habit and a lazy shortcut. Just like a pilot mistaking the yoke position for the aircraft position it can be disastrous.

Post run book work at the river city brewery

People, like planes, go through various ups and downs, smooth air and turbulence, and different degrees of stability throughout their lives. Trying to define them based on an individual metric taken at a single point in time is not only ineffective and inaccurate, but can often lead to some undesirable outcomes.

I hope to show my boys by example, the cool, level-headed, assessment of both situations and people that aviators are so often dramatized to have.

A beautiful fall day for some training miles in Wichita

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Autopilot

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’m working my way through Influence The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini and he made an interesting connection that I wanted to explore here.

The book covers seven levers of influence that work on a subconscious psychological level to run and manage our behavior. Each lever of influence is discussed in depth with fascinating experimental examples to illustrate not only how powerful these effects are but also how much we underestimate their importance.

I highly recommend it as a read for an overall enhanced perspective as well as increased ability to recognize and combat what he calls “click, run” behavior. Behavior that can be triggered by a lever of influence (click), and then like a computer program, is run almost without our knowing.

In the chapter on social proof, the lever of influence that we are more inclined to do what everyone else is doing, Cialdini likens this neural response to an autopilot.

“the evidence it offers is valuable, with it we can sail confidently through countless decisions without having to investigate the pros and cons of each. In this sense, the principle equips us with a wonderful kind of autopilot device not unlike that aboard most aircraft. Yet there are occasional, but real, problems with autopilots. Those problems appear whenever the flight information locked into the control mechanism is wrong.”

I know a thing or two about autopilot usage. Training on modern aircraft is essentially broken down into two parts, the aircraft systems, and the FMS or the flight management system which is comprised of flight computers and autopilots.

These flight management systems have become so complex, and so integral to aircraft operation, that learning how to manipulate the system is just as important as being able to manipulate the aircraft itself.

In a statistically invalid survey of my aviator friends as well as my own observations, most commercial flights are controlled by the autopilot for upwards of 95% of the flight. This makes sense, the autopilot doesn’t fatigue, is more fuel efficient, is reliable, and consistent. It is also dumb.

By this I mean the autopilot is very good at doing what it is told, even if what it is told will not produce a desirable outcome. It cannot think, it can only execute. This is one of the most common issues with autopilot related incidents, not that the autopilot malfunctions per se, but that in some way the autopilot is not doing what the pilot wants it to.

This generally happens for a number of reasons, including: the pilot puts an incorrect input into the system, the pilot wants to change an input in the system and fails to do so, or one input conflicts with another input and the computer “chooses” which one to follow based on its programming.

Some more concrete examples of the above mentioned improper pilot-autopilot interface are: a pilot setting the altitude to 10,000 feet when they really meant to set 12,000, a pilot trying to depress the button to initiate a descent but failing to depress the button fully and not engaging the descent mode, and a pilot inputting 10,000 feet and engaging the descent mode but failing to realize he also put in a constraint at 12,000 feet where to autopilot will stop the descent.

In each of these examples, the autopilot can fly the aircraft with a higher level of consistency, accuracy, and reliability, than the pilot, and it will do so to the wrong altitude. As pilots, when we interface improperly with our autopilots, bad things tend to happen. The same thing can be said, and is by Cialdini, about the autopilot systems of our brain.

The dilemma with all of the levers of influence as presented by Cialdini, is that they are mostly benefitial to our lives. The sheer volume of information that we process everyday can be overwhelming, and these levers of influence offer real life neural short cuts, evolutionarily proven methods of making the better decision without the costly investment in analysis. “Because the autopilot afforded by the principle of social proof is more often an ally than an antagonist, we can’t be expected to want to simply disconnect it”

A beautiful morning for a run in Green Bay

It is when we have an improper input into the system, fail to engage the system in the way that we truly desire, or have conflicting system inputs, that our neural autopilot causes us problems. As pilots we develop procedures and checklists to help avoid these errors, and when all else fails we disconnect the automation and fly the airplane.

That is the core message at the end of every chapter from Cialdini. All of these levers of influence are based on automatic systems in the brain, and that we need to understand how to manage the inputs, and when all else fails to disconnect the system and fly ourselves.

I know I am often a slave to my routine, and while that makes some of my decision making easier, it also leaves me susceptible to those same autopilot mistakes. Sometimes it is refreshing to click off the automation and re-experience the beauty of operating the machine, whether it is a Boeing or a human athlete.

Putting in some zwift and Peleton miles ahead of the start of my race season

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

What’s Cookin’

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week, against my better judgement, I want to talk about gender stereotyped activities. Wish me luck and come along for the ride as I traverse this modern day minefield.

I often find myself flying with captains who are much older than me (20 to 30 years older) and at a different point in their life. Anyone who has spent a career in aviation and anyone who has raised a family has a wealth of knowledge and no shortage of stories to share. While I appreciate these peers and mentors and the wisdom they share freely (sometimes uninvited) I find that there are some generational gaps that can’t be overcome.

One such generational gap came up on my most recent trip and I thought it was worth discussing. This trip was a three day, with a real kick in the pants type of first day. Five legs, lots of convective weather, a prolonged sit in an out station, and then a deadhead on a regional jet that was delayed.

My alarm went off at 5:00am and I didn’t make it to my hotel until after 8:00pm and the only real opportunity to have a civil meal in that time was our prolonged sit at the out station.

The captain told me I packed like a senior flight attendant (notorious for carrying lots of bags) when he saw my oversized cooler bag along with my flight bag and suitcase. As I unpacked some smoked brisket and curried cauliflower he became more intrigued. When I told him that I cooked before I left so that my wife and kids had prepared food while I was gone, and I had healthy meals on the road, he responded “you cook for your wife before you leave, that’s different”. He shared that his wife had packed his PB&J bag lunches that were indistinguishable from those a kindergartner might show up with.

I’m under no illusion that my meal prepping is not the norm. Im also not so self involved that I think I can change those gender norms. I do think however, I can raise my boys with the understanding that something you are passionate about, that also benefits others, can be a source of joy and pride regardless of norms.

I love to cook, especially when I am not time constrained by the already untenable list of things I enjoy spending my time on. I am also passionate about diet, exercise, and overall well-being, and those overlap very well with my cooking/meal prepping. Pair in an aviation career especially post covid with limited food options in airports and on layovers and my meal prep/ cooking habits are done just as much from a self serving sense as they are from that of a provider.

Not a bad spot to write down your thoughts, Naked River Brewing Co Chattanooga TN

Don’t get me wrong, I love that my 1 and 3 year olds eat roasted asparagus and brussel sprouts, curried cauliflower, and smoked meats. Fueling my training and work schedule with healthy foods is an admittedly selfish priority, the fact that my boys eat that way too is a wonderful bonus.

But I hadn’t thought that much about the behavior modeling of dad (me) doing all the cooking, and especially cooking ahead of time for when I’m on the road. As a child of divorce, both my parents cooked for me when I was hungry, I never saw it as a gender specific task.

When I stopped eating what my mother cooked because I was cutting weight for wrestling, I started cooking for myself in my sophomore year of highschool. Again, this seemed a practical and realistic division of labor rather than an against the grain trend.

Starting to build up the milage this week, 75+ miles over 3 rides

One of the guiding questions that fuels this blog, is how I will answer my boys when they ask me what it means to be a man. The conversation in my head normally spans multiple sittings, involves at least me drinking, and tends to be full of inconsistencies. The truth is I’m not really sure, and that’s O.K.

But the message will sure as hell include doing what you are passionate about, especially when it helps other people. If that means that cooking is manly, I’ll be the first one to help them tie on their aprons.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

The injured knee held up pretty well to 7 miles on the treadmill, helped along by some De La Soul

Solitude

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about solitude, and how it changes throughout the many topics (parenthood, travel, and sport) we cover together.

This particular week saw me in the dog house with my lovely wife. The details of which are a story for another time, but suffice it to say what can already be a lonely job, felt even lonelier.

It got me thinking about the times when I find my serenity in solitude, and the times when I find only sorrow, and what makes them different.

Triathlon tends to be a lonely sport. As does any endurance sport, especially as the distance you cover gets longer and longer. Sure you will have friends and training partners for support, but there is no getting around long days and miles with nothing but your thoughts.

Most of the time this is an escape, and a peaceful place. Even on those days where the demons need to be put down, I’ve always felt that we are at least on an equal playing field under the stresses of self induced cardiovascular effort.

Grappling is unique in that it is almost impossible to train alone, but competition is always a solo event. You are always preparing to bear the sole responsibility of your performance, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

As a parent of two young boys, solitude is often viewed an oasis, a place devoid of the constant needs of children who are not yet self sufficient. That same solitude can also be a a trap, bringing with it a sense of loss from lack of adult communication and connection.

Flying presents a unique form of solitude that presents a double edged sword similar to that of parenthood. I don’t have coworkers in the sense of seeing the same people day in and day out. This presents a wonderful opportunity to learn from and share experiences with a lot of different people, but is somewhat preventative to the formation of more meaningful relationships that come out of more consistant proximity. I also have a very different schedule than many of my non aviation friends, so scheduling social events can be quite difficult.

On the plus side, time alone, especially in changing settings, can bring with it new appreciation and new perspective. A change of scenery is seldom a bad thing especially when approached with the right attitude.

Leaving my serenity behind for the next Peleton user in ATL

Set, setting, and dosage, appear to be the key difference makers in the outcome of solitude. Is it solitude that you are actively seeking out, or that you are being forced in to? Are you in control of it’s duration? Are you otherwise actively engaged while you are alone? These can all change solitude from that place of serenity, to the prison of sorrow.

I’m grateful that for the most part, my solitude is a result of my own choosing, and a place where I can actively seek serenity and solace. And, on those rare occasions when solitude is not my choice, it is a good place for reflection, so long as I’m able to get past my own emotional baggage. Lots of time invested in the former, tends to help the latter.

Some extra sweaty morning miles in Columbia SC

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Enough

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I just finished Primal Endurance by Mark Sisson and Brad Kearns, and wanted to talk about one of my biggest takeaways from the book; when enough is enough.

As a niche follow on to their previous work The Primal Blueprint, Primal Endurance eschews the same values of the earlier work onto the hard charging, type A endurance athlete.

In a space where more milage is always thought to be better, and training consistency is key, the author’s urge a more simplistic and intuitive approach as seen in the quote below.

I remember an almost identical quote from Altered Carbon which I wrote about back in March of 2020 (Dystopian Shopping). The rebellion leader Quellcrist Falconer tells her disciples to “Take what is offered, and that must sometimes be enough”

The thought that too many of us are pushing beyond what is safe, sensible, or strategically sound, is a common thread that most endurance athletes can agree on, if we are able to step back for an honest assessment.

The same holds true for aviators who are required to make that same assessment before each and every flight. When is enough, enough?

I can look back at my career as an aviator and as an athlete, and pinpoint the times when I failed to address this question properly. Each time I asked myself to deliver more than I had to give, mistakes were made, and consequences ensued.

Some mistakes were small, imperceptible even. Some where larger and embarrassing or painful. Some of the consequences were minor, while others were dire. Thankfully these are experiences I have been able to learn from and share.

As athletes we are encouraged, whether by a team, a coach, a culture, or even ourselves, to push the limits and test the boundaries of our own achievement. And while I believe this to be one of the noblest pursuits to engage in, it is easy to get carried away.

El Duderino’s new rug really ties the room together and testing the capacity on the new youth sleeping bag

As aviators we tend to be mission driven, and that makes it even easier to take more than is offered in the name of mission completion. While our track record as an industry is impressive, most of us can attest, (I certainly can) to going to the well too often.

I think this trend extends into parenthood sometimes as well. There is a cultural feeling amongst American parents that you are only as good of a parent as that which you sacrifice for your children.

I love my boys deeply, in a way that is impossible for me to simplify into a few paragraphs on a blog. I know that this love has, and will continue to, drive me to take more than I would be otherwise willing or able to give from myself in service to them.

It isn’t even a choice on a conscious level, but one that I think is already a predetermined guiding principle in most parents. That makes it even more important, to respect when your body has given enough in the other aspects of your life.

Building aerobic base, trying to trust the process chewing on the bridle of restricted heart rate

With training volume increasing ahead of Ironman FL 70.3 in December, flying schedule ramping back up, and the demands of fathering two young boys, I have a lot on my plate. I have a creeping feeling of anxiety, that I’ve bit off more than I can chew, and what I have to offer won’t be enough.

I have tried to cultivate habits and a lifestyle that maximize my potential, and facilitate challenging pursuits. I am still learning to respect my own limits, and take only what my body has to offer each day, letting that be enough. While it is difficult for me to relinquish attachment to the outcome, I’m finding serenity in the struggle, and hoping and trusting that it will be enough.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Energy

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I’m studying up to get back to flying, and I’m thinking about energy.

Flying is in large part a management of energy. You are moving a couple hundred thousand pounds of people, metal and combustibles at very high speeds and very high altitudes, only to return them safely to the ground.

El Duderino burnout the creative energy at Crayola Experience

Acceleration from standing still to eighty percent the speed of sound requires a lot of energy. Descending, decelerating, and configuring for landing, all demand a lower energy state, so that energy must be managed.

Long days flying multiple missions means I have to manage my energy state throughout the day as well. Add in nonstandard sleep schedules in becomes another complex problem to manage.

Most of the decision making that goes into flying an airplane is in one way or another, an energy management decision. For that matter, so is parenting and fitness.

Keeping your pace in check, monitoring your fluid and fuel intake, relegating your heart rate and breathing through the various sets, rolls, and miles, are all forms of energy management.

Speedy standing in the spray at the splash pad

Keeping your kids hydrated, eating real food, on some semblance of a sleep and nap schedule, and definitely running around outside to burn off some of that precious energy is a daily struggle (often one of futility)

Managing that energy properly, in every aspect, leads to better outcomes and it is a delicate balance. Expend too much energy, and you are going to have a hard time slowing down the aircraft and landing, finishing your workout, or dealing with ornery kids. Don’t expend enough energy and you won’t get off the ground, you won’t make any gains, and your kids will be doing backflips at bedtime.

The boys at dino world and sunset over lake Erie

Everything we do requires at least some of our energy, which makes it a precious commodity and one that should be spent wisely. Frank Herbert describes energy in Dune Messiah saying,

“Between depriving a man of one hour of his life and depriving him of his life there exists only a difference of degree. You have done violence to him, consumed his energy.”

While this might be a somewhat extreme view, the idea hits home, especially as I start to get busier. Energy gives you life and it’s your life, manage it wisely. Thanks for using some of yours to spend this time with me.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Tangible

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Today I want to talk about something I struggle with both personally and professionally, the nature of a tangible finished product.

I think all of us feel a sense of pride and purpose from a completed project. There is something about our own creation, something new where before there was something old, or even nothing, that fills a hole inside all of us.

Even the simplest of tasks can produce a spectrum of emotion inside and generate the momentum necessary for a positive day. But it is easy to overlook so many of our tasks because the world we live in has moved away from the tangible.

An early birthday celebration for Speedy

As a pilot I struggle with this concept. On a given three or four day trip I will fly hundreds if not a few thousand people. Each of them have a story, a reason for traveling, and connecting them from point A to point B is an important and fulfilling endeavor.

But, at the end of a long day of flying sometimes it is hard to remember where I even went. There is nothing to show for my day’s work, just another hotel room and another day’s worth of missions ahead. The service I provide is very real and valuable, but it lacks a tangible nature that serves as a validation and a reminder of worth.

Fitness has a lot of the same characteristics. Miles run or biked, kettlebells swung, pull-ups rep’d, they are all valuable and worthy endeavors. Oftentimes though we are left only with a puddle of sweat and delayed onset muscle soreness as our only reminder of the work that was done.

I think that is why I feel a special sense of fulfillment when I complete a project around the house. To build, to create, to progress through a planned project, producing something new, scratches an itch that is left unattended by my other endeavors.

My wife requested a new bench for our kitchen table. The project was a relatively simple one, and we were able to involve the whole family in one way or another. The result is nothing special, but it is functional, matches the existing table, and is more resilient than it’s predecessor.

Beyond that it is a tangible creation, a useful household item shaped by family hands, and a reminder of the fruits of our labor. The bench project has been a nice change of pace from a expiration based service job and a a fitness journey that is mostly solo (especially during covid).

I hope that we are all able to find serenity in both the tangible and the intangible as they ebb and flow through our lives.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Mayday

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week we celebrate El Duderino’s birthday. As I reflect on the past year of his life and all the growth I’ve seen, what sticks out the most is his behaviors surrounding help.

Mayday is a word most aviators hope never to have to use. It is the international radiotelephone distress signal, and when repeated three times it indicates imminent and grave danger, and that immediate assistance is requested.

The origin of the word mayday comes from the French, M’aidez, which is help me. Obviously there is a change in tone, connotation, and level of urgency when alternating between the two, but that is kind of the point. The difficulty as aviators, as parents, and as humans, is knowing when to ask for help and knowing when to say mayday.

This is a hard enough distinction for somewhat self reflective psuedo adults (yours truly), much less toddlers. When should I ask for help, who should I ask for help, and especially how should I ask for help, are all critical communication skills we could all improve upon.

El Duderino is at a stage where he wants to do things himself, but also needs a significant amount of help. He isn’t shy about asking for help, but it often comes in the form of a mayday like call from across the house. The desperation fills the room regardless of whether or not the situation demands it.

I’m left trying to parent the situation determining what the issue is, what type of help he needs, and if he needs to adjust his communication method before I provide such help. It is a lot to evaluate and even more to try to pass on to a toddler. Add on to that the fact that I’m still a little confused on what is the best way to approach the topic of “help”

In the bewildering and convoluted web that is modern masculinity, we end up with lots of different positions on help. Providing help to others, super manly. Needing help yourself, not so manly. Yet somehow admitting you need the help and actually asking for it, is somehow manly.

Picanaha, bacon wrapped scallops, and pork belly burnt ends birthday dinner

What is it about needing help, asking for help, accepting help, and providing help, that drives men of all ages to such silly mental gymnastics.

I won’t try to speak for all men, but I think for me it has a lot to do with conflict, like we talked about last week. There is value and growth to be found in conflict and struggle, and bypassing or shortening the conflict with help, could otherwise bypass or shorten the growth.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that tiny driving force called ego that gets in the way. Mine has certainly gotten me into a fair share of trouble often times because I was too proud to ask for help.

Speedy making friends at El Duderino’s birthday

When I do dig myself into enough of a hole that even my ego needs bailing out, I still struggle to ask for help. The request tends to mimic an old Dave Mathews song and my “grace is gone”. (Not that I have ever been accused of an abundance of grace to begin with)

Asking for help is an essential human behavior, and like most behaviors, it can be taught, learned, mimicked, and improved. Parents of toddlers know all too well how behaviors good and bad can be mimicked.

As El Duderino reaches his third birthday this is a skill I’m trying to improve in myself, so that I may provide a better example to teach him.

So the next time El Duderino starts screaming for help like he is going down over the atlantic, and the reason is that he can’t cram anymore play-doh into the cab of his matchbox dump truck, I have to remind myself that this is a teaching moment, and we could all use a little help.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.