Uncategorized – Page 4 – Serenity Through Sweat

Conflict

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As my wife and I were settling in to bed last night she asked me if I thought people were capable of peace.

That’s a pretty heavy question right before it’s time to shut down for the day, but fortunately it is something I think about often.

My answer was no. Humans are not designed for peace, but that isn’t inherently a bad thing. At the very essence of our being, we are animals designed to pass on our genetic code. This necessitates behavior patterns which make conflict inevitable.

I think humans in general are fueled by conflict. Most of that conflict is peaceful and beneficial. Conflict between nature or the environment, between oneself, or between a respectful competitor often lead to innovation and progress. In most cases of human conflict the result is growth.

El Duderino with his post Thanksgiving crown

When the net results of human conflict are no longer beneficial, everyone suffers, and this is generally the lack of peace I think we refer to when asking if humans are capable of peace. But the distinction between the two is important.

As is often the case, the devil is in the details. It is up to us to determine when a conflict will result in growth and is worth pursuing, and when it will result in suffering and is worth pacifying.

These are some of the hardest decisions I struggle with as a husband and a father. Am I being obstinate, or jealous, or vengeful in my assessment of this conflict? Is the potential for growth based on my knowledge gained from the situation or from a necessary change in my own behavior?

El Duderino and daddy back in the saddle

Often the conflict itself requires so much of our attention and energy, that it is hard to form those questions in the moment, let alone answer them.

As the Thanksgiving holiday comes to a close, I’m thankful for all of my conflicts. Those I wage against my self and my own shortcomings, those against environmental circumstances, and even those against other “competitors”

This blog has been in large part a place to reflect on my conflict, and to assess and grow from it. I am thankful that I can share it with you, and I hope that you gain as much from reading as I do from analyzing and sharing.

Thanks for joining me, happy Thanksgiving, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Escape

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I spent the last few days in a tree stand in the woods behind my dad’s house. With all of the craziness of election day I was very glad to have an escape.

This was my first real experience hunting. I think I had followed along as a youngster but never actively participated. The idea of sharing a meal with my family from an animal I harvested has been increasingly appealing to me. Not only as a more reliable means of obtaining and knowing where my food comes from, but also as a connection with our most base self and a new challenge.

Like a lot of things discussed in this blog, (endurance events and parenting) the romanticized idea is much easier to digest than the actual event itself. My ideas of parenting before hand was helping with homework, or teaching the boys to wrestle. A lot of my parenting time is really spent keeping El Duderino from reaching things on the counter and washing out Speedy’s cloth diapers. Hunting followed very much along the same lines.

There is a lot of ground to cover between suiting up and walking to the tree stand and pulling that tenderloin of the grill. The romanticized ideas ask to often omitt the grind, but there is beauty to be found in that grind.

There is a very distinct beauty to sitting still and silent anywhere, but especially out in nature. Appreciating that beauty is not automatic, but rather requires mindfulness. The requirement for mindfulness is only accentuated by those things that would otherwise distract you; cold weather and wind, restlessness, first world problems communicated by an electronic device in your pocket.

My experience hunting in the woods was magical. One of the things I’m most appreciative of when it comes to my fitness and well-being routine, is the place those activities take me to. I can get out of my head and out of my own way finding a place of serenity, if only for the briefest of moments. Sitting in a tree stand watching the sun rise, the multicolor leaves fall, and the animals of the woods come alive took me to a very similar place.

Helping my dad drag his deer up a ravine and back to the house, cleaning, butchering and eating it all in the same night was a very powerful and fortunate experience. I felt transported to that same place of serenity I so often seek, but also felt a sense that others have been there before.

Running, grappling, and triathlon are largely solo pursuits, and while there is surely serenity to be found, it is largely a lonely endeavor. Hunting, cleaning, butchering, and learning from my father, who learned from his father, gave me the same escape but with a greater sense of all those others who seek serenity through that path.

Speedy’s first taste of meat, and El Duderino days go get some more

I couldn’t have asked for a better hunt, or hunting partner. I will be forever grateful for the knowledge passed on, as well as the experience and the escape it provided. I hope that you reader, can find your own much needed escape in this chaotic time, and the serenity that comes with it.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe, (warm if you are in the stand), and stay sweaty my friends.

Managed to get 3 runs in this week too with the travel and the hunting

Gumption

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. My wife and I are in the middle of a project that led to some interesting revelations I wanted to share with you.

My wife and I have dreamed about carving out our own getaway oasis for a while now. Something secluded, with some elevation (Florida is drearily flat), where we can escape societal shenanigans, and reacquaint ourselves with nature.

The global pandemic wreaking havoc on my line of work doesn’t provide the greatest backdrop for taking on this endeavor, but still, this is where we find ourselves.

We’ve done the math, put in the research, and all of our due diligence, but still I have a nagging feeling. Is this the right time, is it too much risk, is this a mistake?

I called my father, as I often do, for advice and reassurance. I lean on him to double check my work, present counterpoints I didn’t see, and point out faults in my logic. After helping me with some of the numbers he made a comment that hadn’t previously occurred to me. He said he was proud that I had the gumption to make the deal.

This wasn’t an attribute I had associated with buying a property and renting it out, but I think it is less about the specific action and more about the general situation. The numbers have been run, but there are always risks and unaccounted for variables. To acknowledge those and proceed requires gumption.

So much of what we do as parents, as professionals, as athletes, requires us to take on challenges with uncertain outcomes. Am I making the best decision for my kids, is my business prepared for what may come, will my body and my training hold up through this challenge? Regardless of preparation, there will always be a level of uncertainty, and that uncertainty can be paralyzing.

Having the gumption to face those uncertain outcomes is a trait that can be honed and refined, working from smaller challenges and moving up gradually.

The future is always uncertain, and never to a higher degree than what we are seeing now in 2020. With a little bit of gumption, and SerenityThroughSweat, we can all find our better tomorrow.

Sweat, calluses, and kettlebells. 6,500 in and 3,500 to go.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Adaptation

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the serenity through sweat blog. My wife and I are wrapping up our first weekend with El Duderino out of town and just Speedy in the house. I’m struck by the difference two years has made in our parenting and our personalities.

As a new father, even with a significant break from work, I struggled to find a rhythm. I was unsure of myself and the needs of my wife and new baby. I was behind the curve when it came to meeting those needs much less anticipating and proactively fulfilling them.

Two years later, with El Duderino visiting his grandparents for the weekend, was the first time for me to really compare apples to apples as it were. How would my wife and I handle our now 4 month old having already been through it once?

The difference was staggering. We were both amazed at the efficiency at which we could care for Speedy and complete tasks around the house. We were both able to anticipate each other’s as well as Speedy’s needs, and then fulfill them quickly, efficiently, and with a a general sense of normalcy.

Things that would have left us frustrated and exhausted two years ago, seemed like commonplace daily routine, and even a reprieve, when compared to the demands of two children. The repetitive tasks that are required to care for a child led to a change in both my wife and I. The difference is the beauty of human adaptation.

As is often the case taxonomy is important and adaptation (in a biological sense) is an organisms ability to change to become better suited to it’s environment.

My wife and I are not the same people we were two and a half years ago when El Duderino was born. In addition to a familiarity and gained confidence as parents, we adapted to be better suited to our new lives as parents.

Raising children clearly involves a lot repetitive tasks. With repetition comes habit formation, and with habit formation comes adaptation. A good training plan will force you to do the same thing. Your body will adapt to the stresses (running, biking, lifting heavy things, grappling) you put it through if it senses that they are an environmental factor, and not just a singular event. Repetitive stresses will lead to adaptation, and a better suited person for the whatever challenge lies ahead.

We are starting to see this now with COVID as well. There have been repetitive stresses on businesses, services, and events. Some of those organizations have maintained their routine in a “tough it out” approach, and some have adapted. Like a fun uncle who watches the kids now and again, they can get the job done when they need to, but their efficiency and effectiveness will be lacking. The parents who change to better fit their new roles, will ultimately do a better job and be more efficient and effective. It doesn’t take long to see which organizations are adapting, and which are struggling to tough it out.

This run was a special treat. Some early morning miles over the causeway in my old stomping grounds. A lot of sweat, tears, and memories in the pavement here.

Humans have adapted to survive and thrive in every environment they have come across. It requires some trial and error, some repetitive stress, and a whole lot of serenity, but the results are pretty incredible.

When you can’t change your situation, you change yourself. That’s what adaptation is. It’s just a fun coincidence that parenting, fitness, getting through COVID, and finding serenity all require adaptation too.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Reality

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As I was laying down some Sunday morning miles on my layover in Appleton Wisconsin, I saw the mural (above) and it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. “If you see entrapment you will be stuck, If you see redemption you will be saved, reality is largely dependent on what you are willing to see it as”

Attending Catholic school from K-12 I had always found comfort and guidance in religion. (There were some unanswered questions but that is a topic for another time). A teacher, deacon, priest, or coach who could take a biblical idea and reach across generational boundaries to leave an impression on young men is no small task. My high school wrestling coach used to say God, Family, Country, and Wrestling. The majority of my world view was shaped in this manner.

Speedy and El Duderino hanging out on the back porch, and El Duderino in the no cavity club.

There are plenty of bible stories about positive thinking, and I had no shortage of opportunities to learn and grow from shortcomings in my athletic pursuits, but somehow the message never transcended into a global world view until I found that quote. I stumbled upon it very unceremoniously in the horoscope section of my AOL sign on page one day, (back when AOL Instant messenger was still a thing). I’m not a horoscope person, and I don’t know why I chose to read it that day, but I’m glad that I did, since it has stuck with all these years.

I think this is the message that we need as a nation right now. There is undeniably an abundance of suffering and misfortune with everything COVID-19 related and the myriad of social justice issues that we face together. The best path forward is to focus on redemption, not entrapment, and reality is a whole lot brighter through that lens.

Together we will need to find new ways to make the things we need, and to provide the services we have come to value, in a safe, healthy, and efficient manner. Looking at the redemption side of our post Covid reality, it is bursting with opportunity for growth, innovation, and a chance to reprioritize social values we deem important.

I’ve talked in prior posts about reprioritization, the quote is not so much about the details, (which are important) but rather about the overall outlook. Being willing to look forward and see a path to redemption is not an easy task. It requires constant focus and often times we will need to self correct our course.

Reality, much like serenity, is a living and changing entity. The way we view it, define it, and ultimately strive for it, is dependent on what we are willing to see it as.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Sunday morning vibes, putting in miles on my layover.

Perfect World

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’m finishing up A Column of Fire, the third book in the Kingsbridge series by Ken Follet, and a piece of fatherly advice stood out to me that I wanted to share and discuss.

Follet does a masterful job in all of his books of making historically significant events come to life through the interwoven and tangled lives of his fictitious characters. The Kingsbridge series follows multiple generations of different families across southern England and uses the historical pretext to comment on present problems.

A Column of Fire takes place in the late 16th century discussing the major historical events of western Europe at that time. The overwhelming theme of the book is the back and forth between religious zeal and tolerance.

The book’s central protagonist Ned Willard, is separated from his teenage sweetheart Margery due to religious differences and family politics. Margery is a staunch Catholic and Ned is a tolerant Protestant employed in the service of Queen Elizabeth. He later has a child with Margery and is unable to acknowledge the child because Margery is married to the Earl.

Early morning beach run and sunrise from my last trip to the FL panhandle

It is Ned’s fatherly advice to his biological son, (who regards him only as a family friend) that struck me as especially appropriate to our current societal needs.

Ned’s son Roger is asking him about Queen Elizabeth’s religious tolerance. Why does she hate Catholics? (an issue which he is particularly sensitive too being raised by his staunch Catholic mother). Ned tries explaining the intricacies of international politics to his inquisitive 10 year old who comes back with rebuttals far too advanced for his age. Ned ultimately ends the conversation in defense of Queen Elizabeth, and his own actions, saying “There are no saints in politics, but imperfect people can make the world a better place“

Trying to make the world a better place is all that can be asked of any of us. There are no perfect people and there are no perfect places. Everyone and everywhere has problems, but that imperfection need not be damning. Especially as people, and places, grow and evolve, their past imperfections do not represent the whole of their being or their current intentions.

I hope that I am able to embody that message for my sons. To pass it on not only in words but in actions. I hope to set the example of an imperfect man trying to make the world a better place for them, so that they may go out in the world one day and do the same.

To quote Remember the Titans, “Now, I ain’t saying that I’m perfect, ’cause I’m not. And I ain’t gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won every single game we have played till now. So this team is perfect. We stepped out on that field that way tonight. And, uh, if it’s all the same to you, Coach Boone, that’s how we want to leave it.”

I’m not a perfect father, (or a perfect anything for that matter), but if I can pass that lesson on to my boys, I will be happy to step off the metaphorical field that way.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Long run with exclusively nasal breathing in Wichita

Master caution/master warning

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. My wife showed me the meme above before bed the other day, and it got me thinking about how we are trained to respond to problems in the workplace, and how we respond to them when it comes to parenting and our health/well-being.

One of the most basic tools in the cockpit for identifying a problem is the master caution/master warning lights and the EICAS (engine indicating and crew alerting system). These systems, working together with a myriad of sensors, alert the crew through a variety of lights, chimes, bells, and messages, that there is an abnormal situation or problem.

Some of these alerts are rather benign, for example if the seatbelt sign is on or off. Some, understandably demand your attention, like a fire warning, which comes with a bell, a voice, and multiple flashing red lights.

The nature of flying people hundreds of miles in a metal tube requires that decision making, especially for abnormal situations, be preemptively briefed. The most rigorous of these briefings is the takeoff briefing.

The takeoff roll is segmented into three phases based on how critical the decision to abort is. The low speed regime, (below 80 knots) the high speed regime, (above 80kts to V1, which is the decision speed) and anything above V1. Without getting into the weeds too far, V1 is the speed at which it is safer to fly than it is to try and stop the aircraft on the ground. V1 changes for every flight based on a number of factors, (weight, weather, runway, etc..)

The list of reasons we might abort a takeoff below 80kts is pretty lengthy. The energy state of the aircraft is not in a precarious position and it is better to solve a problem on the ground rather than in the air. However, as we approach V1, the list becomes rather small, because the consequences of a high speed abort must outweigh the consequences of fixing the problem airborne.

Shifting gears back to parenting, what are your “abort criteria” and how do they change with the situation? What behaviors from your children draw a pause and an explanation versus some form of natural consequence? Does your response change based on what you are engaged in at the time of the behavior?

I’m much more likely to let things slide with my son when I am working in the kitchen. Since my style of cooking often resembles a self inflicted version of Chopped, I tend to get very task saturated, and thus more lax on El Duderino’s behavior. Regardless of where my kitchen V1 may be, if he starts having an accident, I’m dropping my utensils and running over to get him on the potty before the mess reaches it’s apex.

If El Duderino is misbehaving while his brother Speedy is napping, he gets a little bit of a longer leash. Whereas if both of them are awake and needing attention, the criteria of acceptable behavior shrinks like entering the high speed regime.

The same mentally applies to my internal dialogue and physiological cues while training. If I have had a long week of productive training, the list of things I’m willing to tone it down for grows. If I have been slacking or falling behind in my training load due to work or family responsibilities, it is a pretty short list that will keep me from a good sweat session.

Out aircraft master caution/matter warning systems are designed to be inhibited during certain criteria (high-speed vs low-speed), and we are taught this and we brief this. The same ideas apply to the way we talk to our children and the way we talk to ourselves. Sometimes you need to heed the master caution, and sometime you need to inhibit it.

The decision on how to react to a master caution/ master warning is a delicate balance and one that requires attention and precision, much like the path to serenity.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

TLAR

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As I get back to flying after a long layoff for paternity, I find myself falling back into a work routine and relying on my years of training. One of the cornerstone lessons all the way back from my private pilot’s license is TLAR.

TLAR is an acronym for “That Looks About Right”. The idea is with any situation in aviation we have target metrics but we also have a sight picture of what we should be seeing. So you might have a target airspeed +/- 10 knots, a target altitude +/- 100 feet, and a target heading +/- 5 degrees. To go along with those metrics you have an idea in your head of what the situation should look like, again with a +/-.

Tuesday morning causeway miles before work

TLAR gives you the ability to say even with the metrics within limits, if it doesn’t look about right, let’s reset and try it again because something might be off. Let’s get to a safe altitude and configuration, and assess what happened and even if there isn’t a problem that can be identified, safety was prioritized, and the only cost was a few minutes and some jet fuel.

In fact most of the procedures written in to our policy manual include verbiage something along the lines of “pitch or power settings not consistent with situation” as a criteria to discontinue the maneuver. Basically, if it doesn’t look right stop, and then, assess and re-establish.

What makes TLAR work is repetition and training. If you see the same picture over and over again, and you know what adjustments to make to change the picture, you can make decisions about when something looks right and when it doesn’t.

TLAR is a fantastic tool with low cost, and quick utilization time, for all sorts of social, work project, and family scenarios, if you can have the presence of mind to employ it.

I grew up telling everyone I would have a wrestling mat in my living room, and that glorious day has arrived

From a fitness standpoint, I can look at pace, heart rate, and percieved effort level, and adjust for variables such as sleep, nutrition, prior workload and weather, in order to get a picture of my workout. If say my pace or heart rate is way off normal, and one of the variables can’t explain it, (I ate well, slept well, not over worked, and weather is normal) maybe there is something wrong, and I can use that picture to adjust my training accordingly.

I can use the same sort of assessments looking at El Duderino’s behavior. Not that it is perfect or always within our expectations as parents, but rather is it about right given he is a toddler, stuck at home during Covid-19, who just became a big brother and is now sharing attention. Adjusting for variables and conditions, you can look at the vast majority of his behavior and say that looks about right, and quickly point out when behaviors no longer line up with the expected picture.

When a behavior doesn’t pass the TLAR test, I start out giving him the benefit of the doubt, examining variables and conditions first, and then asking him about. More often than not, he knows the established rules and when he has violated them. He knows when is behavior looks about right and when it doesn’t, but being 2 ½ years old, he doesn’t yet have to presence of mind to stop and correct in the moment.

Having the training and knowledge to understand what “looks about right” for a given situation, and the presence of mind to stop the operation and reset as necessary is what TLAR is all about. TLAR is a skill, and like most valuable skills, it requires repetition and dedication. It is also another valuable tool in the tool belt of Serenity.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Happy Fathers Day

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This weekend I made the trek back to work for the first time in months. I was anxious, nervous, excited, and little annoyed at times, but blessed to be doing something I love that allows me to provide for my family. Working over father’s day weekend isn’t the ideal situation, but dealing in unideal situations is what fatherhood is all about.

The whole weekend felt familiar, “just like riding a bike,” as they say. I spend a lot of time on my bike and as familiar as I am, and as familiar airports and simulators felt, there were some new wrinkles.

Last stroller run with quarantine facial hair.

Wearing masks, social distancing, empty gatehouses and security lines, there were plenty of new wrinkles to go with the familiar environment of the airport. The whole scenario made me think of my two boys.

As a father to two young boys I often find myself in a rhythm of sorts in how I interact with them. El Duderino, the 2 ½ year old, loves to go outside and dig in the dirt with his work trucks, and Speedy, at 12 weeks old is just starting to appreciate daddy’s funny faces in his increasing awake time.

Checking out the car wash construction site with El Duderino

They are both growing so fast, and every few weeks, the groove we found ourselves in shifts. For El Duderino before the digging in the dirt it was racing trucks down a cardboard ramp, and for Speedy it was basically sleeping. The point is, fatherhood is a constant journey of familiar, with a new wrinkle.

As the boys continue to grow and their personalities continue to fill in and evolve, so do their needs and wants. So as their father, the target is always moving.

When I look back on how much I have changed in the last 2 ½ years since El Duderino was born, I can only imagine the type of moving target my brother and I presented for our father.

Raising two boys (at least one of which may or may not have had some anger issues as a young boy) across state lines is a daunting challenge for anyone. Add in a job that requires frequent travel and I marvel at the job my dad did raising us.

Do it right the first time, and take pride in your work, were lessons he always tried to drive home. He always encouraged us to do what we wanted, so long as we had considered the risks.

When I consider my own position as a father of two young boys, trying to raise them across state lines, with a job that requires lots of travel, I can only hope to do as good of a job as he did. And I hope that when he looks it me, it seems familiar, with a few wrinkles.

Happy father’s day.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Sway

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog, today I want to talk about sway. Specifically who we let sway is and how we let them do it.

As is often the case, taxonomy is important, and for our discussion sway will mean control or influence, specifically over ones opinions or actions.

We live in a time where sway, can literally be an occupation. There are many people who make a very good living as “influencers”, and have tremendous sway over those that follow them. However, I’m of the opinion that most of the actions and opinions that would be swayed by career influencers are comparatively trivial. What brand of underwear you buy, what beer you drink, maybe a diet or exercise trend, hardly qualify as defining principles of a person.

We allow ourselves to be swayed by advertisers, influencers, and our peers on matters of little significance sometimes multiple times a day. However, when it comes to our more deeply held beliefs and ideas there is a tendency to hold out even in the face of facts and logic.

El Duderino gets a quarantine haircut from Mommy

One of the core principles at my company reads, “Change your mind when persuaded by meritorious argument.” Company politics and labor/management relations aside, this is an ideal that is as lofty as it is essential.

Cancel culture has set us on a path whereby if you currently hold, or ever held, an opinion that is now deemed to be (insert negative “-ist” adjective), than you are ostracized, shunned, and in many cases have career opportunities revoked.

I should quote Ferris Bueller here to illustrate my personal views on the matter, “Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, ‘I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.’ “.

Personal beliefs on -ism’s aside, I believe in due process, benefit of the doubt, and if need be a path to redemption. The best way to improve flaws in our culture isn’t to ostracize the -ism’s, but rather to sway with meritorious argument.

That is a two way street. It means the one doing the swaying must present a meritorious argument, and do so in a way that is instructive and compassionate, rather than insulting and combative. It also means the one to be swayed must be willing to examine their beliefs and opinions honestly, and be willing to change their mind.

The best example of this is Daryl Davis, a musician, author, and a man who has converted hundreds of KKK and neo nazi menders through meritorious argument and compassion.

Snapped the shoe right off the base plate mid ride

There will always be those who look to spread hate, but I believe they are in the minority. Proper use of sway, compassion and giving someone the grace to be wrong and to change their ways, leads us all closer to serenity.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

This week in SerenityThroughSweat, I drop the hammer one too many times on my first bike ride since Speedy’s arrival, a 90° afternoon 10k, we celebrate father’s day early as I prepare to go back to work this weekend, which also means the end of quarantine beard.