Serenity Through Sweat

Preparedness ASAP

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Today I want to talk about how we handle ourselves after the dust settles. Hindsight is always 20/20 and there will undoubtedly be questions as to what we could have done better, individually, locally, nationally, and globally. While playing the blame game is gratifying, and I’m sure there will be plenty of nefarious actions/inactions to examine, the real truth is more important than fault.

ASAP, in this context stands for Aviation Safety Action Program as opposed to As Soon As Possible. (Although you should also make preparedness a priority as soon as possible). My master’s thesis was on Safety Management Systems in airports and a large portion of that I spent researching various ASAP programs. One of the core tenets of ASAP programs is something called just culture, and I think that is our only hope for unravelling this catastrophe.

The safety of the overall system is enhanced by collecting, analyzing, and applying data directly from the frontline. But, the only way to get truly accurate date is from frontline users who find themselves in hazardous situations largely because of a lack of preparedness, or mistakes. Just culture is the idea that we should be more concerned with identifying hazards in the system, both proactively and reactively, than reprimanding those who encounter those hazards. If people aren’t afraid of being reprimanded, they are more likely to point out their mistakes so that someone else won’t make them, and the whole system gets better

As an individual, how prepared were you for this event? When did you start to take it seriously? Did you already have some money set aside in an emergency fund, some extra food in the pantry? Have you been taking care of your health to avoid potentially complicating conditions that would put you at a higher risk? These are all questions that need to be answered, not so that you can blame yourself, but so that you can asses the vulnerability in the system and shore it up.

The same questions can be asked of our local entities. How much PPE do hospitals local hospitals keep in storage on a regular basis? How have your representatives worked to set up testing and triage? What have they done to help small business owners? These questions are asked not to sway votes come November, but to establish a better play book for the overall health of the system when the next crisis hits.

On a national level, what information was known and when was it acted upon from a policy standpoint? There are far too many political intricacies that are way over most of our heads to fully understand the process in it’s entirety. But the truth will never come out if the end game is blame.

You don’t have to scroll far through a social media feed to find memes on how both the left and the right botched the handling of this pandemic. If we can look at this from a point of just culture, we might be able to make things better for ourselves rather than tearing each other down.

I’ve written before about holding myself accountable for my own shortcomings, and I think that’s a vital part of Serenity Through Sweat. But, I think it’s also important to be able to forgive ourselves, when we misstep, especially if we can make the system stronger in the process. Honesty, forgiveness, and growth, are the best way forward after this pandemic, and the best path towards Serenity.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat, Speedy is three weeks old and the sleep debt is accumulating. A few stroller runs with El Duderino looking for work trucks, and an attempt at Amish Friendship Bread starter. (It takes ten days so stay tuned for results)

Bad Mood Rising

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As COVID-19 continues to direct our everyday lives, and quarantine and social distancing measures carry on, a lot of negative emotions that normally run in the background are bubbling up to the surface.

Just like the classic Creedence Clearwater Revival song, many of us may find a bad mood on the rise during these times. I think it’s important to recognize we are not our thoughts or emotions, but we are largely defined by our actions and choices.

Having negative thoughts, having a bad day, feeling angry, depressed, afraid, jealous, etc… Does not make you a bad person. Thoughts and emotions are natural parts of being human, and the “negative” feelings have their place. It is up to us to be mindful of these thoughts and feelings and choose to act on them with purpose.

We carry these negative emotions with us all the time. They are a natural and normal part of us. Most of the time they are a small fraction of the whole. Like an ounce and a half of yeast in six cups of flour. But with the right environmental stressors, that tiny amount of yeast can cause us to bubble over. But those emotions can also help us create something beautiful.

Many times over the course of this last week, I’ve found myself jealous of my wife. She went back to work as a teacher two weeks after giving birth, and is maintaining caring for our family with her new work schedule like a rockstar. I on the other hand, am still adapting to what my self identity looks like staying at home and not flying. I know this emotion is based on my own uncertainty and insecurities. It is a constant battle to be self aware enough to remind myself that this is a natural, (even if uncomfortable) feeling, and that my outward demeanor as a husband and father is my choice.

I think any of us at home with kids, particularly toddlers, are finding new limits to our patience. El Duderino, at two years old doesn’t understand why we can’t go to the playground, or the library, or to see his friends at daycare. And those frustrations, along with the normal two year old toddler temper tantrums, are enough to test anyone’s mood. It’s my job as his father to maintain composure despite the uncertainty, and throughout the temper tantrums, to foster a nurturing environment.

Now more than ever, Serenity Through Sweat, is a vital part of my mental health regimen. Especially for grapplers, who are normally used to relieving stress by consensual choking, finding alternative and positive physical outlets is crucial. Those negative thoughts and feelings can control us, they can define us, or they can fuel us. The choice is ours, and the path to serenity is long.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s Serenity Through Sweat, my second go around and homemade bread, (the first batch didn’t have yeast) some stroller run miles with El Duderino, and throwing some arrows down range in the backyard happy place.

Nerve

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I wrote a while back about being brave (Fostering Comfort) referencing Ned Starks remarks in Game of Thrones. He tells his son the only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid. My dad sent me a series of quotes on my birthday this year that I think fit our current situation a little better.

“People often say I am brave, but I’ve never said I am brave. What I think I have is nerve, which is not the same thing. Being brave or being courageous is doing something you are afraid to do and I don’t do anything that I’m afraid to do. Nerve is different.When you prepare to do something, whether it’s sailing a boat across the ocean or climbing a mountain or doing anything that has an element of danger, you prepare yourself and your equipment as well as you possibly can given your resources. Having nerve is the willingness after you’ve done all your preparation to embark upon something whose outcome is uncertain and may be fatal”

Powerful words from one of the world’s greatest explorer/adventurer. Webb Chiles said this in an interview after completing his sixth solo circumnavigation of the globe at age seventy seven.

I’m not trying to compare going to the grocery store amid a global pandemic to a solo journey around the world, (although the former requires significantly more gear and planning than before all this happened). The similarity lies in the outcome, and the level of uncertainty.

This virus has turned everyday activities like shopping, walking, shaking hands, and hugging, into activities with an uncertain outcome. Trying to avoid a virus you can’t see, smell, or hear is somewhat of a sisyphean task. Even if the odds are low after coming in contact with COVID-19, the potential is there to be fatal.

That means everything we do now, what before seemed like everyday, ordinary, tasks, require nerve. We prepare our bodies, our minds, and our equipment, and then we embark on an activity whose outcome is uncertain.

In the interim, this will result in heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and fear. But, when we do finally turn the corner, we will all able to channel that nerve into other pursuits, serenity among them.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week in quarantine; the daddy drawn coloring book expands from vehicles to dinosaurs, I try my hand at baking bread, and a quick 5k stroller run with El Duderino to maintain some sanity and Serenity if only for the briefest of moments.

Happy Easter

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Easter means a lot of different things to different people. It is beyond the scope or intention of this blog to really hammer out religious theology, but one of the over bearing themes of the holiday is new life.

The last two weeks have been crazy for everyone. COVID-19 has us living a new life that I think it’s safe to say most of us, weren’t prepared for. I’ve been very blessed to be home with my family, not working, (by choice for the most part). We have just been living, and adjusting to what life looks like with four of us instead of three of us.

Outside of some wierd grocery sterilization practices, the last two weeks wouldn’t have been that different for us had there been no virus. Which got me thinking about Easter, and our new life.

This virus has already, and will continue to cause an untold amout of suffering. From the direct impact of human loss, to the economic damage, to the psychological stress placed on everyone, no one is untouched by this. However, many of us will emerge from this relatively unscathed. Businesses can be rebuilt, events can be rescheduled, and we will be able to get back to a new life after all of this. The blessing, the silver lining, is in choosing that new life.

There’s a new sheriff in town. Daddy’s sunglasses, and great grandpa’s hat

Right now my days are filled with wrangling a toddler, juggling the needs of a wife who isn’t supposed to lift anything, and trying to keep a two week old alive. There isn’t much room for anything else. Am I worried about keeping my family healthy? Absolutely. Do I think about my friends and family that are outside my little quarantine bubble? Of course. Am I concerned about the state of the airline industry or the broader economy? Sure. But the pressing need, the top priority, is just living. Being a husband, being a father, raising strong, smart, healthy boys.

I don’t know what the world looks like after all of this, and I can’t fathom the suffering that has and will be caused. In my own circumstance though, I’m thankful for the ability to reset, to reevaluate, and to begin a new life with a fresh perspective.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, an extra sweaty and windy 10k. The Florida weather has been a blessing allowing us to be outside as opposed to our northern neighbors, but the midday temps when both kids and my wife are napping, makes sure I earn my moniker.

Faith, Hope, and Reality

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I have seen this quote from James Stockdale thrown out from a few different sources and I wanted to add my two cents on it. (You should probably take it, we are headed for a recession after all)

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end, which you can never afford to lose, with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

The current reality is uncertainty. We still have a lot to learn about this virus. We don’t know the best ways to protect those we love and still function in society as we knew it. We don’t know what the economy, and more importantly our individual jobs and communities will look like after this is all said and done.

I have a tremendous amount of faith in the human spirit. Humans are capable of incredible things and I have no doubt that though this pandemic will significantly alter our trajectory as a species, it will not end it. However, faith and hope are not a tactical plan.

There are some things though that make sense to do no matter what happens. Simon Black, the author of the Sovereign Man (whom you should check out if you are not familiar), says this frequently about having a plan B. In a time of uncertainty where there is no playbook, a plan B with elements that are good for you no matter what is a good place to start.

If you have read this blog for any length of time, (thank you) you know that I’m constantly advocating for, and actively pursuing, physical, mental, and emotional, well-being. Working out, meditation, hydration, diet, sleep, are all things largely within our control, that are helpful no matter what. Whatever situation arises, you will be in a better place to tackle it from a complete state of well-being.

Budgeting is a skill that can be practiced and applied to many areas of our lives, and again is helpful no matter what. Confront the brutal facts of your reality, are you living within your means? Can you put aside money for a rainy day? Can you put aside food for a rainy day? Can you budget your time for well-being activities or hobbies that cultivate life skills. Scratch cooking, self defense, hunting, gardening, sewing, carpentry, etc… Will all be more useful in the whatever society emerges from this than watching Netflix.

As we move forward together to face whatever life looks after all of this, I hope that things will be better and brighter. In the meantime, reality dictates same drastic changes, and I’ll be working on my plan B.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat, my first time out running since speedy arrived, a stroller run with El Duderino, and some outside time with the sandbag and training mask. There has never been a better time to use a training mask. I used to get all sorts of weird looks, now I blend right in.

Embrace and Harness

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. For the moment fitness has taken a backseat to fatherhood (in the context of blog topics, it has always been in that order in life in general). With the arrival of Speedy, and managing him and his big brother El Duderino, life has gotten a bit hectic. Throw in the added complications of COVID-19 and it is easy to be overwhelmed.

I’m reminded of a particularly tough loss in a wrestling tournament I had my senior year in high school. Crying in a mostly deserted high school hallway, not knowing what I did wrong or could have done better in a close semifinal match, my coach found me and gave me a quick pep talk that has stuck with me.

The bullet points were, “be pissed, be sad, be disappointed. Feel all of it. But after ten minutes, it’s time to get back to work and most of those are not productive emotions.”

I think it’s easy to find ourselves in many of those emotional states (anger, sadness, depression) with everything that has changed in recent weeks. Kids at home 24/7, uncertainty about jobs or finances, heck just plain old cabin fever is enough to test your mental and emotional fortitude.

And just like my coach told me all those years ago, I think it is important to embrace those feelings. Ignoring them or bottling them up isn’t healthy. Dig in to them, let them wash over you, but only for a short period of time. Whether it is once an hour, once a day, or once a week, check in on those feelings and realize that this isn’t normal and it’s ok to feel them.

But then it’s back to work…

This isn’t an easy process. Most rewarding things aren’t. This is a lesson I’ve brought with me for the last fifteen years and I’m still struggling with it.

With a toddler at home adjusting to a new family dynamic, a newborn on a two hour sleep cycle, and a wife who isn’t supposed to lift anything after just giving birth, (I still got the easier end of that deal, BY FAR,) my daily to do list is getting more difficult than finding toilet paper at the store. And with those chores piling up, and the sleep debt accumulating, comes the frustration, the self pity, and the jealousy.

Performing for the family is always the number one goal, especially when the shit hits the fan (read: job uncertainty, global pandemic, and newborn). It seems like I’m mostly running on caffeine, but harnessing those emotions helps get me over the hump. (At least until speedy starts sleeping more than a couple hours).

So in between the cooking, the cleaning, and the laundry. After the potty training, the arts and crafts, and the outside play time. And when bath time and bedtime have come and gone, I can harness those unproductive emotions, remember that it is natural and normal to feel them, and keep soldiering on towards Serenity.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat has been tapered back a bit with it being speedy’s first week alive and all. But I have been able to sneak in two Simple and Sinister kettlebell workouts, some push-ups and air squats, and a few rehab mobilizations from The Ready State.

This post was started this morning while El Duderino was playing in the sand, Speedy was in the basinet, and my wife was taking a much needed nap. It was finished while I took the first watch with Speedy and my wife gets as much sleep as she can before he wakes up hungry.

Dr. Dad

Sunday night started out normal enough. El Duderino went down for bedtime without any trouble. Heather was down as well and I was scheduled to have a video happy hour with some other pilot buddies who haven’t been flying.

Having some social interaction for the first time in over two weeks, even over video chat, was much needed and appreciated. The couple of extra beers as the conversation stretched on didn’t hurt the situation either. I was felt like a small piece of me that I hadn’t realized was missing, had been returned to it’s rightful place. As I hung up the phone a sense of fulfilled calm came over me, accompanied by that sneaky little smile you realize is on your face only after it’s been there long enough for others to wonder what it is you’ve figured out.

That feeling was quickly replaced by reality. Getting off the phone at close to midnight, having sated my craft beer craving more than I had in the past six weeks, to my wife telling me that her water broke. Timing has never really been my strong suit.

In general, I’m a person who does better when active. My wife going into labor is no exception. Preparing supplies, meal prepping, getting our guest room ready for grandparents, anything to keep myself busy. This is how my next few hours were spent early Monday morning despite the primary need to sleep and sober up.

After a few hours of sleep, and without my wife’s contractions having started yet, there was a much more organized calm to the morning. El Duderino left with his grandma to have an adventure with her and give my wife and I time and space for our own adventure. We went for a walk, watched some Netflix, and enjoyed a relaxed pace day at home with just the two of us.

The midwives came by around noon and reported that the water had not truly broken, and that without contractions starting there was no hurry to meet baby just yet.

Contractions started in earnest around two in the afternoon. My wife is the type of strong independent person who doesn’t like to ask for help, and prefers to do things herself. Anticipating the needs of a woman has been a task that has baffled men for millennia, pregnancy does not simplify this task in any way. I tried to make myself available at a moment’s notice and otherwise follow signs to be helpful when and where I could. (Along with timing, reading signs is also not a strong suit of mine). This meant being in the next room reading, but within fifteen feet and within earshot, and checking in every five to ten minutes between chapters.

My wife let me know that she thought she had about five hours of labor left based on her leave why El Duderino from to years ago and how she felt. In hindsight this was a silly prediction, but in my head it have me a timeframe to work with. Predicting labor is probably less reliable than picking ponies. At any time they can run like gangbusters or stop in their tracks and then start again.

I overheard my wife’s reaction to a particularly stronger contraction, and heard her call the midwives to have them start making their way to our home as labor was ramping up. This was about an hour and for five minutes into my fictional give hour clock. I made my way into the room expecting the contraction to be mostly finished by the time I actually got to her side. Instead I was greeted with “oh God, baby’s head is in my shorts, help me get them off”

As a pilot we train for lots of different emergencies and I feel very comfortable in most situations. We’ve spent a lot of time in this blog taking about calm in the Chaos. Knowing that my wife hemorrhaged during her first delivery, and that it was just me and her with medical professionals at least twenty minutes out, (albeit thankfully on speaker phone) I can tell you there was a very long two to three minutes of chaos without calm.

My Wonder woman wife pushed our son out, and our midwife team talked me through what I needed to do and what I needed to look for until they got there. It reminded me of an autopilot kicking off in flight unexpectedly. There is an initial shock factor, and something obviously isn’t going to plan, but ultimately the airplane wants to keep flying, and after a thorough systems check the autopilot can be reengaged.

There is so much uncertainty in this world, and the best laid plans often get thrown out the window. It is in times of stress that we find what we are truly made of. I’m so grateful and blessed to be surrounded by people made of the right stuff.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Providing as a Father

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. The continually changing situation we find ourselves in with COVID-19 has got me thinking more about an eventual conversation I will undoubtedly have with my son.

I’ve day dreamt about this since my wife first told me she was pregnant. My child comes home from school and is tasked with asking his father what it means to be a man, and report back to the class. That’s a doozy of question and I don’t think it has a clear cut answer. Gender norms and 2020 politics and posturing aside, a large aspect of the answer for me always comes down to being a provider.

Being a provider can mean different things to different people, and it certainly meant something different to me just a few months ago. With uncertainty in my career and my ability to bring home a paycheck, what does being a provider mean?

I had already planned to be out of work for April, awaiting our second child, so this coming month at least isn’t a total shock. During this time, I’m trying to keep my focus on being a man, and being a provider within that capacity. While I may not be able to provide a paycheck (I do have some PTO to go with my FMLA) there are a lot of things I can provide regardless of the circumstances.

I can provide a loving and caring atmosphere. At two and change years old my son doesn’t really have any concept of what’s going on. He just knows daddy is spending a lot more time with him reading books, coloring, riding bikes, and chasing the garbage truck around the neighborhood. He doesn’t understand the weight of the world situation, and I can control the vibe he does feel and provide that positive environment.

I can provide a positive example. It is easy to start a self pity party with all the negative effects of this pandemic, but self pity is a wasted emotion. Lord knows I’ve spent more than my fair share of time at my own pity party, and every day is a struggle, but RSVP’ING NO is a choice I can make for my little guy. It does make it easier that he has no context for the situation and thus no empathy. If daddy is being sullen and sulky, he will pick up on that in a heartbeat. So soldiering on with a smile for the little guy is the only way forward.

I can provide household relief. Even when working a full schedule I do the lions share of cooking and a decent amount of cleaning, laundry, landscaping, and other household tasks. It means a lot to me that I can have some control over the food we put in our bodies and that I can provide healthy and nutritious meals for our family. With additional time home I can expand upon those tasks to help my family.

A few posts ago I talked about changing our world view to adapt to new demands. This is a change in world view for me, about being the best father and husband I can be, in a dynamic and uncertain world.

I’m grateful for a great many things in this life, and being able to maintain some semblance of calm in the chaos, and provide some positivity as a father and a husband in these turbulent times is one of them.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat in quarantine, bike rides with the family finding “stinky dirty” the orange digger. A solo ride with Layla. Throwing some arrows down range at 20yds. A quick sweaty run, and last but not least, working on my artistic skills to keep the little guy interested in things to color.

Running Through the Rage

All alliteration aside, thanks for joining me for another edition of the Serenity Through Sweat blog. I think all of us have trouble adapting to new situations, and the new routines brought on by COVID-19 are no exception. This resistance to change alone is enough to bring out the worst in us, add some bad news to the mix and it is a recipe for disaster.

This was the situation I found myself in this afternoon. I was feeling sorry for myself and my new role at home. I was frustrated by the reversal of rolls, where normally I’m the one working and my wife is the one taking care of our son while I’m gone. I was envious of my Rockstar wife who is rolling with the punches and solving problems at her job remotely while 38 weeks pregnant. I had just put my son down for his nap and opened up my email to find some work related rage induction.

Without going on to detail, and without throwing out any technical jargon, let’s just say someone didn’t live up to the intended spirit of an agreement. On top of my self pity, this new development sent me into full blown rage.

Fortunately, I’m no stranger to rage. I spent a large portion of my youth in the state, both knowingly and unknowingly. And, as you might guess, the best medicine for me is sweat. Thankfully El Duderino had gone down for his nap without a fight, and I was able to strap on my running shoes.

Rage, can be a huge motivator. It can also be a curse. The key is how it is managed. I like to think of it like NO² going in to a car. It can make your car go faster, or it can blow the piston rods out of the cylinder. But Serenity, can always be in the driver’s seat.

I was out the door, fueled by rage, but managed by Serenity. The NO² was in the tank, but the driver was listening to Beethoven and sipping a latte. I ran a PR 10k, and was able to maintain cadence and stride form throughout.

Serenity Through Sweat consistently provides me a positive outlet for my rage. The mindset that the circumstances of our life that enrage us can fuel the fire to build a better tomorrow, is a great way for all of us to look at this crisis.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

“Keep in mind that a mans just as good as his word.
It takes twice as long to build bridges you burn.
And there is hurt you can cause time alone cannot heal.
Keep your nose on the grind stone and out of the pills.” Tyler Childers Nose on the Grindstone

Dystopian Shopping

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. There is a lot of craziness going on in the world today and obviously there are lots of different ways to approach it. Trying to find the silver lining, I have had a lot more time for acts of self betterment, parenting, reading, drawing, exercise, mobility work… The list goes on.

I recently finished Altered Carbon a 2002 book by Richard Morgan that was recently turned into a Netflix special. In a dystopian future where human consciousness is recorded and transferrable between bodies, death has less to do with your physical entity and more to do with your downloadable content. In the book I found a wonderfully telling passage that made me think about some of our current struggle with COVID-19.

The man character Takeshi Kovacs, is on his way to go shopping for some new clothes and weaponry for his job as a private investigator. He has a flashback to a life he lived over a hundred years ago in a different body (I know that sounds weird, but the point of the book is downloading human consciousness into different bodies) and a discussion about shopping. To paraphrase, he used to think shopping was a mundane activity of necessity. You need something, you go to a place to procure it and the transaction is complete. His memory of the conversation that changes his mind is then brought forth.

His friend from a former life explains that we have the technology to doorstep deliver everything we need, but shopping as a physical activity, has never been phased out of human culture. Despite having the technology to remove it altogether, society has subconsciously decided that shopping is a physical activity that satiates a human desire for accumulation and interaction. It is a part of our culture and wired into us like DNA.

A captain I flew with once proudly told me he refused to pay for a cup of coffee at a hotel when they told him it cost $5 for just a black coffee. I told him I agree that $5 for a cup of black coffee is expensive but I don’t mind paying for a story. Tell me about the farmer who grew the beans and where they were grown. Tell me about the buyer who traveled there and bought them and roasted them. Tell me about the barista who stocked them and the method used to brew them. If the answer is Folgers from the grocery store, then probably not a good value for $5. (Sorry to pick on Folgers, no hard feelings) But, if there is a story and multiple human interactions involved, now we are filling in some human needs, and I can appreciate where my money is going.

I think this is an insidious part of the challenge that we are currently facing. Even if you have some financial stability, and you have a few days worth of supplies in your home, there is still a longing for human interaction outside of the dwelling that no amount of Netflix or virtual museum tour will satiate. The act of shopping, strolling through a farmers market, perusing the produce aisle, or simply trying to decide on dinner, are all cultural behaviors that have been ripped away suddenly like an old band-aid.

As we struggle to embrace the changes to our everyday routines, technology like home delivery and curbside pickup are powerful tools. But it is also important to remember what we want to get back to, which is that most basic of human interactions. I hope that we can all maintain some modicum of serenity, until that time.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week in social distancing has changed my normal workout pattern, but I was able to spend some more time on two wheels than I otherwise would have. One ride with El Duderino where we saw an alligator which he now needs to hear the story of every night before bed. And the other was some much needed time with Layla, my Tri bike.