BJJ – Serenity Through Sweat

Results

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week is want to talk about results. Or, more specifically, a result oriented versus process oriented paradigm.

I recently competed in the IBJJF Pan championships. In the the world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in the gi, this is considered a grand slam event.

People travel from all over the world to compete and watch this tournament. It just so happens to take place right in my backyard. It also happens to take place during spring break time when I had time off work.

It seemed silly, given those factors, not to sign up and compete. Even though I knew I would be unable to train and prepare to the full extent I wanted to, I signed up for the competition with high expectations.

Having competed the previous year losing my first match 0-0 via a referee decision, I went into this tournament hoping to improve on my performance but also on my results. Two very distinct categories.

I wasn’t unhappy with my performance from last year, but the results were definitely a gut check. They led to a reassessment of my training and preparation.

This year I signed up for a smaller local competition a month before Pans. I wanted to get a more recent reminder of the competitive atmosphere in my memory than the previous loss at last year’s Pans. I wrote about that tournament here.

Through a freak accident to the wrestling coach at our gym, I ended up taking over teaching the class. This meant not only more reps and training, but also much more time thinking about the wrestling and takedown aspects of BJJ competition.

I also took over teaching the Gi class that I normally attended since that instructor had moved out of the country.

Again, this meant a lot more mental preparation and thinking about techniques, even if the amount of time spent physically training was less than I would have wanted it to be.

I felt good going in to Pans. Mentally strong. Physically strong. I had a solid three plus weeks of very clean eating and living in order to get down to the lightweight limit. A roughly 10 pound drop from my normal walking around weight.

I arrived to the convention center early so I could have a long, low, and slow warmup. Waking up the body and the mind, as much as working out the nervous energy, I jumped right out of my jump rope. After about an hour of watching matches and intermittantly jumping, the set screw gave way, and one of the rope ends flew right out of the handle. It was strangely self gratifying in my ability to outlast the equipment.

I made my way to the weigh in and the fighter holding pen. Mutch different from my wrestling days, weigh-ins are immediately prior to your match as opposed to first thing in the morning. The fighter pen is a small cattle herd of metal barricades, keeping in the nervous energy and testosterone, jittering bouncing and going over final preparations for the combat ahead.

I felt the anxiety of the impending competition. Those familiar butterflies in my stomach, even after all the years of grappling. If that feeling is no longer present, I will have to rethink further competition.

Like I have done before every wrestling or BJJ match I can remember, I started my final warmup with an our father prayer. I followed that with my own prayer to wrestle 6 minutes hard. 6 minutes strong. 6 minutes smart. 6 minutes safe. To have a performance that I can be proud of, and that my family can be proud of. To be gracious in victory or defeat. To keep myself and my competitors free from injury.

My name was called along with my opponent for the first match. We shook hands and hugged before walking to the mats.

I bounced and stretched at the mats edge, trying to clear my mind, creating a blank canvas for the match ahead.

I’ve written before about the special place that competitive athletic endeavors have for me. Like walking through a portal, I feel transported. Stepping onto the mat, for those five minutes, (high-school wrestling matches are six and my prayer has not been updated, better to err on the long side anyway) everything else fades away. The canvas is blank to create a piece of art and tell a story, together with my opponent, without any of our other baggage.

We stood wrestling for the first two minutes or so of the match. I felt I had the upper hand with takedowns and pressed my advantage. After a few near takedowns, I saw my opponent gasp for a deep breath and change his stance and posture. I knew my next shot would be successful.

After scoring the takedown, I followed my game plan and won the match on top, threatening to pass his guard and attack his left arm. The match went about as well as I could have hoped for and I advanced to the quarter finals.

I had plenty of time to catch my breath, stretch, and recover before being called up for my next match. Again, I shook hands and hugged my opponent before walking from the pen to the mats.

Already in a better spot than I was the previous year, I knew winning this match would see me on the podium. That was the goal I had set for this competition, make the podium.

The match started similar to the first. We wrestled standing for a minute or so were I felt I had an advantage. My opponent recognized this and pulled guard.

We ended up in his 50/50 guard, a leg entanglement where our respective right legs are interlaced, knees to knee with him laying on his back and me standing.

It is a difficult position to get out of, and comes with the risk of an easy transition from bottom to top. That would give my opponent 2 points for a sweep and in all likelihood a deficit that would be hard to overcome.

I pressed forward, testing the flexibility of his hip and the strength of his lock on the other leg. With enough pressure I could break the lock and potentially attack the knee. I had to be careful to keep my balance, falling backward even if i stayed on top could give my opponent and advantage point that would be hard to overcome.

At one point, I was able to break the lock of his legs and press forward. He recovered, but i felt i was making progress. Before I knew it, the match was over.

0-0 no advantage points given. Under the circumstances, the match would be decided by the referee. My opponent won the referee’s decision.

To say I was disappointed by the results would be an understatement. It is hard to walk away with a loss, without feeling like you were beaten. It is a confusing mental space.

In contrast, I was happy with my performance. I was aggressive. I didn’t make any tactical or strategic mistakes. Every position I found myself in, I had a clear mental path forward. I was gracious in victory and in defeat.

I’m still not sure how to process the outcome. It isn’t a win, but it doesn’t feel like a loss either. Complaining isn’t helpful, nor is beating myself up or second guessing my performance. There are always areas to improve upon, but there was no glaring hole in my game that was exposed by those two matches.

I’m trying instead to shift focus away from the result, and back to the process. I have much more control over the latter than the former.

Focusing on the process is something I can change. I can take the frustration over the results and direct it somewhere positive. There are levers that can be pulled and dials that can be turned. The results, are what they are, and revisiting them is unproductive.

A cold damp run on a Toronto layover. The hairdryer I used to dry out my shoes afterward turned one of the insoles into a shrinky-dink

I can continue to work on my wrestling in the gi, not giving my opponents the chance to pull guard, or forcing them to do so from a place of weakness.

I can continue to develop a style that is aggressive and attacking. I can work to improve positions where I find myself stuck. I can find additional time to train, and prioritize bjj as i approach competitions in the future.

I’m disappointed with the results, but I’m content with my preparation and performance. Resetting my focus back to the process has brought some much needed serenity in the face of uncertainty over those results.

Some higher intintervals and some weight management rides

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Change

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week, I want to talk about change, how we are the most adaptable creatures on the planet, and at the same time, are incredibly resistant to change.

It has been longer than I like since my last post, but as you know, life has a a tendency to get in the way.

El Duderino had his second cataract removal surgery this month, which saw me home with him helping him recover. By helping him recover, I mean making sure he gets all the requisite eye drops in. Sometimes, that done with a gentle hand and a gentle word. Other times, it was my best grappling skills to stabilize bodied in a pacifying manner.

Last time bouncing before surgery and healing time

The surgery went well, and El Duderino is on his way to a bright new future, quite literally. In the days immediately after the surgery though, he refused to open his eyes. Both the recently operated on eye, as well as the already recovered eye.

The first day after surgery is crucial for examination, I’m told. So much so, that the eye Dr asked about putting him under anesthesia a second time if she was unable to examine the eye.

It took every ounce of physical and emotional strength I had to hold him down the day after surgery. Squirming and screaming in the eye doctor’s chair, he was adamant on not opening his eyes.

Outside of normal human functions, breathing, moving, talking, the one activity I have spent more of my life doing than anything else, is forcibly controlling bodies. I felt uniquely qualified for this task, in spite of the emotional toll it took on me.

It didn’t occur to me that this change would be so jarring for him. I don’t know what his vision was before. I don’t really know what it is now. We have metrics that we can assign to vision, and those metrics have improved. But his lived experience, even as a very articulate six year old, is very hard to discern.

Going from a cloudy field of vision, to a clear field of vision, even with a brief hiatus in recovery seemed like it should be a good change. One to be welcomed and embraced. Instead, he retreated. He stayed in a self imposed darkness for almost three full days.

We were able to pry his eye open safely the day after surgery. Every other attempt to get him to open his eyes over the next three days was unsuccessful. Look, your favorite show is on TV, “no thanks”. Can you help me pick out some cookies to share with our friends? “Maybe you can just tell me about them”.

I’m not sure what he was thinking or feeling. The most I was able to get out of him was, “it feels funny when I open it”

And still, after the third day, his eyes opened, like it had never happened. He adapted to his new reality. How can we as a species be both so stubborn and so adaptable?

I’ve been doing a lot more grappling in the past few months as I transition out of triathlon season. I’ve also tried to train at different gyms across the country as I travel, preparing for an upcoming competition.

I was recently training at a 10th planet gym, known for their unorthodox no gi style, especially their guard. The head instructor commented that I had one of the best “wrestler guards” he had seen in a while.

Wrestlers are programmed from day one not to go to their back. I heard Daniel Cormier (UFC double champ and Olympic wrestler) recently say he can’t sleep on his back without having nightmares, a sentiment I had during my high-school wrestling days as well.

Cycling miles fell off a bit as BJJ season picks up.

As I have transitioned to BJJ over the last decade, I have made a concerted effort to play guard and feel comfortable off my back. At this point, most of my training time is spent there, fighting from my back, or at least the bottom position.

I have adapted extremely well to the new rule set and strategy of Jiu Jitsu. And yet, at this latest competition, I found myself stubbornly insisting on wrestling, despite almost none of my training and preparation for this competition, including wrestling of any sort.

Like a small child with my eyes closed, I clung to what was familiar, shaying away from a change that had already happened. A change that has made me better.

It is difficult in the heat of the moment to embrace the new game plan and not revert to the comfort of old patterns. I’ve done a great job making this change in the gym, but have yet to see that transition fully materialize in competition.

Adaptable and stubborn. Embracing change, and simultaneously rejecting it. Hiding from it. Eyes closed curled up under the blanket.

As the saying goes, the only constant, is change. We are incredibly adaptable creatures, and there is serenity to be found in embracing that change.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Doubt

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’ve signed up to compete in the Pan American Championships in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at the end of the month. That has brought with it excitement, anxiety, and doubt.

I’m no stranger to competing. And certainly no stranger to grappling or even jiu jitsu competition. I’ve completed in three smaller local BJJ tournaments, and I’ve lost count how many wrestling tournaments over a 13 year wrestling career.

I’ve also been active in triathlon and ultimate frisbee in those years I wasn’t grappling. Each had their own varying level of competition.

This one feels a little bit different. It will be my first grappling competition since before COVID. It will be my first competition at brown belt. I haven’t competed since I was a blue belt, missing out on competing at the purple belt level.

Anxiety and excitement are to be expected. I got the same butterflies and pit feeling in my stomach before every wrestling match and every big triathlon. But doubt wasn’t something I really thought about.

Maybe it is having kids (even though I’ve raced and competed in smaller BJJ tournaments as a father). Maybe it is getting older and being in the Masters 2 division. Maybe it is my lack of recent competition experience. Maybe it is the thought of injury now as a provider.

Whatever it is, doubt has been creeping in. Will I make the weight? Will I stay healthy and injury free? Will I perform in a way I can be proud of?

That doubt isn’t necessarily bad though. I’m reminded of a conversation I had about doubt, with two close friends at a bachelor party.

We were in a hotel room in Tampa. Sharing a drink, making small talk and getting ready for a hockey game. The celebrated bachelor wanted to read us the vows he had written and have the two of us help workshop them. I know, not your typical rowdy bachelor party story.

He is a scientist, a medical researcher, and one of the smartest people I have ever talked to. He is very methodical in his thinking and communication. All of those qualities came out front and center in his custom written vows.

“As I scientist I am taught to doubt” his message to his soon to be wife, on their most important day, began. “But I don’t doubt my love for you, or the relationship we’ve built”.

His vows went on with a series of “I don’t doubt” statements. Doubt seemed to me, at first, like an inappropriate word for wedding vows, but it fit perfectly with who he was. Doubt was part of his daily life as a scientist and researcher, but his marriage was a place doubt never crept in.

I modeled my own custom wedding vows, a few years later, in a very similar format. A series of “I can’t promise X, but I can promise Y” statements.

To me, this felt like the same removal of uncertainty, and exchange of promises, without the perceived negativity that doubt brings to the table.

Because that’s all doubt really is right? Uncertainty. As a scientist and a researcher, my friend is very deliberately, an active participant in his uncertainty. Trying not to bias his observation of data with his own opinions or desires.

The future is always uncertain. The degree of that uncertainty may vary, but it is never fully predictable. I think it is an old Yogi Berra quote “predictions are hard, especially about the future”

The doubt that has crept in since I’ve signed up for this competition has been an ever present feeling in the pit of my stomach. It has been my somewhat less than welcome companion. (And due to a small weight cut, sometimes the only thing in my stomach)

I’m trying to channel the courage of my friend and embrace that doubt. Uncertainty, just means I get to have a hand in writing out how the future will be told.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

The Importance of Play

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Today I want to talk about the importance of play. For toddlers, for kids, for parents, for everyone, play is more important now than ever.

El Duderino isn’t really old enough to understand what’s going on in the world, but he is very smart and incredibly perceptive. Most kids pick up on social cues and read the room far better than adults and well beyond what they are given credit for. So when I’m feeling stressed by everything COVID-19 related, he might not understand the nuts and bolts of it, but he reacts to my emotional state.

At the end of the day all he really wants to do is play. Play takes on many different forms depending on the day or mood. The current play du jour is digging in the dirt with his work trucks. Each truck has a name and a job and then when they get dirty they go through the car wash (hose, sink, bath, etc).

The only limit is his imagination, and maybe the weather or daddy’s bladder bringing us inside. That imagination and creativity is the beauty of play. It’s a release from reality and whatever stresses are there, even if they are just picked up from his mother and me. It is mentally stimulating. It helps him grow and come up with new ideas.

I think it’s safe to say most adults struggle with play, especially in the current lack of social climate. How many adult activities leave room for creativity, improvisation, experimentation, and just room to play? Maintaining a balanced approach to overall wellbeing is one of the core tenets of this blog (and one of my top priorities), and play is a huge part of that.

That is one of the many reasons I miss Jiu Jitsu. Running, lifting, cycling, archery, mobility work, have all played a huge roll in my sanity from home over the past weeks. But each of them lack the dynamic playful environment that Jiu Jitsu offers.

Wrestling and Jiu Jitsu offer an incredible mix of physical stressors, mental stimulation, and a plethora of opportunities to be creative and innovative. In other words perfect, a perfect adult play environment. For my brother’s and sisters on the mats you don’t need any further explanation, but for those of you who haven’t ever tried it, I will try to explain as best as I can.

Grappling tends to present itself like human chess. You are always thinking multiple moves ahead (mental stimulation). Each of those moves or techniques requires complex and coordinated physical movement, often under pressure or resistance from your partner (physical stressors). And, there are an endless number of techniques that pair together in different orders, or varitions of those techniques that allow each practitioner to develop his or her own style or “game” (creativity and innovation).

In addition to physical stressors, mental stimulation, and opportunities for creativity and innovation, grappling requires extremely close physical contact. Often times claustrophobia inducing contact. And while this may be an acquired taste, after several weeks of lockdown I think we could all use some claustrophobia inducing contact, whether we are grapplers or not.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

As excited as I am for my local gym (OBJJ) to be opening tomorrow, I will not be in attendance just yet. Speedy hasn’t reached the two month mark yet, and his developing immune system trumps my need for play.

This week in SerenityThroughSweat, El Duderino plays in the mud, does his best salt bae impression baking bread, some interval running, and a sweaty sandbag session.

Peaceful Vs. Harmless

Thanks for joining me here at the SerenityThroughSweat blog, this is the third of a three post series that all kind of ties together. The previous posts (Finding Calm in the Chaos, and Fostering Comfort) are available here, and set the stage for today’s post.

To summarize, finding calm in the chaos is a mental skill of being able to relax within ourselves when things start going crazy. The only way to do that is to actively put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and develop a level of comfort there. In today’s post we will talk about testing those theories so they can be managed and improved.

Most of us probably have a friend, family member, or co-worker, who we can describe as calm. But what does that mean, and how does it help us on our way to serenity? The following quote from Stefan Grant got me thinking about our calm and comfort discussion, “you cannot truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of great violence, if you aren’t capable of violence, you aren’t peaceful you’re harmless, important distinction”

As a martial artist and a lifelong grappler, this speaks volumes to me, and it is a paradigm that I believe most martial artists have, often times without realizing it. When practicing any technique that has the potential to harm a training partner or an opponent, a certain level of restraint and personal mastery is required. Those that lack this restraint are generally weeded out entirely or exist only on the fringes. This is the heart of the case for being peaceful instead of harmless. Skilled practitioners who are able to continue training without hurting their partners/opponents, are capable of violence, but are also capable of harnessing that violence into a peaceful practice.

I believe the same mindset applies to calm and comfort. If you haven’t fostered your comfort or calm from a place of discomfort, you aren’t comfortable, you are complacent. Only by fostering a sense of comfort through times of discomfort, whether naturally occurring or manufactured, can we truly be comfortable. Just like a man can only be brave when he is afraid, he can only be comfortable and calm when amidst chaos. This is the measure by which we can test ourselves.

I think it is a fair assumption to say that calm, comfortable, and peaceful are all desirable qualities. So in turn, managed and risk assessed, violence, chaos, and discomfort, should be embraced as learning tools and opportunities. I should point out this IS NOT me advocating for violence or chaos in a classical sense. But, it is possible to describe lifting weights in a controlled but violent manner. You can have a training roll or wrestling match that is chaotic. You can have large portions of workouts that are both physically and mentally uncomfortable. All of these can also describe family or professional situations. How many times could you have described your work day as chaotic? These words (violence, chaos, discomfort) are merely descriptors, and can take on different connotations based on contextual intentions.

The path to Serenity through Sweat is paved with uncomfortable, chaotic, and violent scenarios. And navigating that path requires us to find our calm, foster our comfort and maintain a peaceful practice. Luckily for us, the path is long and the opportunities are many.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, 10 miles on the Buffalo Bayou trail and then some mobility work for the #14daymobility challenge.

Working Out or Training

When I was preparing for Ironman Florida in 2013, I remember enjoying telling people I couldn’t stay out late, or have another beer, or whatever the activity was, because I had to train in the morning.

People that knew about the traithalon community or where familiar with the race understood, but inevitably, someone would ask what are you training for. For me this was a little bit of a way to brag on myself, but it was also a carefully chosen word.

I had a training plan, that was well designed and crafted. I had specific short and long term goals, I was measuring, logging, and assessing key metrics. These were not just a series of physical activity done for their own sake, these were goal oriented, focused, purpose driven workouts.

And there in lies the conundrum. If I was doing an interval ride, or a tempo run, those were both workouts. So when do we cross the line from workout to training? Can an activity be both, or one without the other?

This is a question I think a lot of BJJ practitioners struggle with/can benefit from, and something wrestlers (in my humble opinion) do a lot better with.

In generic terms, here is how I view the two. Workout: an activity done to improve physical fitness. Training: an activity or course of action undertaken in preparation for an event. So the key difference is the specificity of the goal, and I think both are important and both have their place.

Let’s say you are getting ready for the local BJJ tournament. You might set up a training plan that has four days a week in the gym rolling and two days a week with some sort of cross training, lifting weights or running. These could all be considered training because they are planned out, specified, and helping you towards your goal of preparing to compete in a tournament. They are also all individually workouts.

Now let’s look at an individual BJJ class where you don’t have a tournament you are planning for. Based on our earlier definition, it is clearly a workout, but can it also be training? The answer depends on how you approach it. Are you putting yourself in specific positions or situations repeatedly? Then it is probably training. Are you just letting the roll take its own form? Then it is probably a workout. Both are great, just understand what the value of each is.

The same ideas apply to running, riding, lifting weights, etc… Sometimes it just feels good to sweat. (I do a lot of that incase that wasn’t clear, and I’m a huge fan). Other times a more measured and calculated approach is appropriate, and will probably help you reach your goals better.

As January starts to close out, and those new year’s resolutions start to look a little hazier, ask yourself. Are you working out, or are you training? And is that the right choice for today?

Thanks for joining me, stay sweaty my friends.