Brazilian Jiu Jitsu – Serenity Through Sweat

It is somewhat fitting, Equal parts ironic and opportunistic that my last post was outcome. I recently competed in my first bjj tournament at black belt, and in the lead up to that competition, I was constantly reminding myself to focus on output rather than outcome.

The main t ake away from Output, was that outcome is never certain. It can be out of your control, even with the best of preparation. But output, is always in your control.

So that is what I tried to focus on going into this competition. Control the output. Deliver a performance I could be proud of. And, let the chips fall where they may.

View from the sauna and view from tbe chair

That is easier said than done. Especially in something so personal and ego centric as one on one, hand to hand combat.

The day of the competition was my 38th birthday. My matches were scheduled for later in the evening.

Maybe I was feeling my age. Maybe it was harder to get warmed up at a time when I would have otherwise been eating dinner. Maybe I am finally losing my appetite for cutting weight after three decades.

Whatever the reason, I followed my normal warmup routine, but I didn’t feel the same fire. I felt prepared. I felt ready to compete. But just without that extra edge.

In the aftermath of previous competitions, I realized I had relied too much on my wrestling and not gotten a chance to really test my jiu jitsu. I vowed to change that.

I had a game plan going in. A few wrestling setups and takedowns I felt confident with, all attempted within the first 30-40 seconds. If those were unsuccessful, the plan was to get into guard and get into my jui jitsu game.

The first part of the match was a perfect execution of may gameplan. A few takedown attempts, not successful, but enough to make him think. Then straight into a guard I felt comfortable with.

I played my guard game, moving, adjusting, attacking. Everyting going to plan. I wrestled up from my guard attacks finishing a takedown and ending on top.

So far I was executing the game plan, and the game plan was working. I continued to apply pressure from top position, looking for a place to attack.

I found an opening for a knee bar and trasitioned quickly. Another part of my game I was focusing on from previous competition was being decisive and explosive when the window was open, knowing that windows in high level bjj close quickly.

I didn’t finish the knee bar, but I was thrilled with my recognition and quick, decisive action. Again, sticking to the game plan and improving on past performance.

We scrambled up and I ended up wrestling back down to mat, taking his back with one hook in and attacking his lapels for a choke finish.

As time expired, I was delighted with my performance. My game plan was solid, and my execution was everything I could have wanted. Explosive, aggressive, opportunistic. I used my wrestling to set up my jiu jitsu, and my jiu jistu to set up my wrestling.

When the referee had to go have a conference with another referee before coming to announce the decision, I got a sinking feeling.

The scene from Cinderella man started playing in my head. “They take this long to make a decision, they’re gonna decide to screw someone”

The referee talked with my coach before coming back to the center of the mat and raising my opponents hand.

He had been given credit for a sweep when I attacked the knee bar. I only had one hook in on his back and was not awarded points. The final score was 2-2. even though I had a dominant performance, his points coming from my aggression and attacking without any real advantage to him, he scored last, and that was the tie break criteria.

It was a weird feeling. I couldn’t feel happy. I lost, and that win would have put me in the finals. On the other hand, if I could have scripted my ideal performance for my first five minutes competing at black belt, it would have unfolded very much like that match.

The outcome was not what I wanted, but the output, was almost perfect.

I tried to mentally reset and get ready for the consolation match, hoping to win and be able to compete for 3rd place.

If I was in a weird space before my first match, this was even weirder.

I came out a bit flat, and my opponent was aggressive with his take down, taking advantage of my slow start.

No matter, I got right to work in my guard, again using my jiu jitsu to set up my wrestling and wrestling up.

We scrambled and ended up back in my guard, and I found myself attacking an ankle lock that I feel very confident in.

This is a movement I train every day in the gym and have a great deal of success with.

This time however, I felt and heard a crunch in my left rib cage. I knew something wasn’t right but I continued to attack the ankle lock.

My opponent had to defend, and I took the opportunity to again wrestle up. There was no power though, any tension through my core caused my rips to pop back and forth like a snap bracelet.

I tried to establish my guard for another 30 seconds or so before deciding that discretion was the better part of valor and tapping my opponent, signaling he won and would advance.

Two weeks later, I am still struggling with my rib. Two losses, and an injury on my birthday. Not the outcome I was loking for.

But the outcome was never really in my control, never entirely anyway. But the output. In just over 7 minutes, less than a match and a half, I covered almost all of the positions and techniques I wanted to test at this level.

I transitioned seamlessly between my wrestling and jiu jitsu. I was explosive when the window opened. I tested myself rather than trying to rely on an older and more proven skill set.

It is taking some time, and the rib is a constant reminder that the outcome was far from desireable. I am struggling, but, I am finding peace, knowing that the output was something I can be proud of.

SerenityThroughSweat, earned, struggled for, fought for. It isn’t given, and the outcome is never certain. But, you control the output, and you always have a fighting chance to find it.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’ve signed up to compete in the Pan American Championships in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at the end of the month. That has brought with it excitement, anxiety, and doubt.

I’m no stranger to competing. And certainly no stranger to grappling or even jiu jitsu competition. I’ve completed in three smaller local BJJ tournaments, and I’ve lost count how many wrestling tournaments over a 13 year wrestling career.

I’ve also been active in triathlon and ultimate frisbee in those years I wasn’t grappling. Each had their own varying level of competition.

This one feels a little bit different. It will be my first grappling competition since before COVID. It will be my first competition at brown belt. I haven’t competed since I was a blue belt, missing out on competing at the purple belt level.

Anxiety and excitement are to be expected. I got the same butterflies and pit feeling in my stomach before every wrestling match and every big triathlon. But doubt wasn’t something I really thought about.

Maybe it is having kids (even though I’ve raced and competed in smaller BJJ tournaments as a father). Maybe it is getting older and being in the Masters 2 division. Maybe it is my lack of recent competition experience. Maybe it is the thought of injury now as a provider.

Whatever it is, doubt has been creeping in. Will I make the weight? Will I stay healthy and injury free? Will I perform in a way I can be proud of?

That doubt isn’t necessarily bad though. I’m reminded of a conversation I had about doubt, with two close friends at a bachelor party.

We were in a hotel room in Tampa. Sharing a drink, making small talk and getting ready for a hockey game. The celebrated bachelor wanted to read us the vows he had written and have the two of us help workshop them. I know, not your typical rowdy bachelor party story.

He is a scientist, a medical researcher, and one of the smartest people I have ever talked to. He is very methodical in his thinking and communication. All of those qualities came out front and center in his custom written vows.

“As I scientist I am taught to doubt” his message to his soon to be wife, on their most important day, began. “But I don’t doubt my love for you, or the relationship we’ve built”.

His vows went on with a series of “I don’t doubt” statements. Doubt seemed to me, at first, like an inappropriate word for wedding vows, but it fit perfectly with who he was. Doubt was part of his daily life as a scientist and researcher, but his marriage was a place doubt never crept in.

I modeled my own custom wedding vows, a few years later, in a very similar format. A series of “I can’t promise X, but I can promise Y” statements.

To me, this felt like the same removal of uncertainty, and exchange of promises, without the perceived negativity that doubt brings to the table.

Because that’s all doubt really is right? Uncertainty. As a scientist and a researcher, my friend is very deliberately, an active participant in his uncertainty. Trying not to bias his observation of data with his own opinions or desires.

The future is always uncertain. The degree of that uncertainty may vary, but it is never fully predictable. I think it is an old Yogi Berra quote “predictions are hard, especially about the future”

The doubt that has crept in since I’ve signed up for this competition has been an ever present feeling in the pit of my stomach. It has been my somewhat less than welcome companion. (And due to a small weight cut, sometimes the only thing in my stomach)

I’m trying to channel the courage of my friend and embrace that doubt. Uncertainty, just means I get to have a hand in writing out how the future will be told.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.