Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week, against my better judgement, I want to talk about gender stereotyped activities. Wish me luck and come along for the ride as I traverse this modern day minefield.
I often find myself flying with captains who are much older than me (20 to 30 years older) and at a different point in their life. Anyone who has spent a career in aviation and anyone who has raised a family has a wealth of knowledge and no shortage of stories to share. While I appreciate these peers and mentors and the wisdom they share freely (sometimes uninvited) I find that there are some generational gaps that can’t be overcome.
One such generational gap came up on my most recent trip and I thought it was worth discussing. This trip was a three day, with a real kick in the pants type of first day. Five legs, lots of convective weather, a prolonged sit in an out station, and then a deadhead on a regional jet that was delayed.
My alarm went off at 5:00am and I didn’t make it to my hotel until after 8:00pm and the only real opportunity to have a civil meal in that time was our prolonged sit at the out station.
The captain told me I packed like a senior flight attendant (notorious for carrying lots of bags) when he saw my oversized cooler bag along with my flight bag and suitcase. As I unpacked some smoked brisket and curried cauliflower he became more intrigued. When I told him that I cooked before I left so that my wife and kids had prepared food while I was gone, and I had healthy meals on the road, he responded “you cook for your wife before you leave, that’s different”. He shared that his wife had packed his PB&J bag lunches that were indistinguishable from those a kindergartner might show up with.
I’m under no illusion that my meal prepping is not the norm. Im also not so self involved that I think I can change those gender norms. I do think however, I can raise my boys with the understanding that something you are passionate about, that also benefits others, can be a source of joy and pride regardless of norms.
I love to cook, especially when I am not time constrained by the already untenable list of things I enjoy spending my time on. I am also passionate about diet, exercise, and overall well-being, and those overlap very well with my cooking/meal prepping. Pair in an aviation career especially post covid with limited food options in airports and on layovers and my meal prep/ cooking habits are done just as much from a self serving sense as they are from that of a provider.
Don’t get me wrong, I love that my 1 and 3 year olds eat roasted asparagus and brussel sprouts, curried cauliflower, and smoked meats. Fueling my training and work schedule with healthy foods is an admittedly selfish priority, the fact that my boys eat that way too is a wonderful bonus.
But I hadn’t thought that much about the behavior modeling of dad (me) doing all the cooking, and especially cooking ahead of time for when I’m on the road. As a child of divorce, both my parents cooked for me when I was hungry, I never saw it as a gender specific task.
When I stopped eating what my mother cooked because I was cutting weight for wrestling, I started cooking for myself in my sophomore year of highschool. Again, this seemed a practical and realistic division of labor rather than an against the grain trend.
One of the guiding questions that fuels this blog, is how I will answer my boys when they ask me what it means to be a man. The conversation in my head normally spans multiple sittings, involves at least me drinking, and tends to be full of inconsistencies. The truth is I’m not really sure, and that’s O.K.
But the message will sure as hell include doing what you are passionate about, especially when it helps other people. If that means that cooking is manly, I’ll be the first one to help them tie on their aprons.
Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.
