Family – Page 2 – Serenity Through Sweat

Storms

My boy’s schedule is all out of whack.

Two separate family beach trips sandwiched in-between the seemingly never ending cold/fever/congestion/runny nose episodes of this summer, and they are off their normal routine.

Melting down at some point during the day has become the rule rather than the exception. I was thinking about this as I elected to sleep at home on my short Orlando layover last night.

We were delayed almost an hour and half waiting for a gate amid the chaos of thunderstorms, wind shear, and ground stops. If I was lucky I would make it home about 15 minutes before the boys bedtime. I would have to wake up predawn and try to sneak back out of the house without waking them.

How much value is there in that short of a visit? Will I be able to rest and be ready for the challenges of another flight day? Will my presence be appreciated? Will it be calming? These are tough questions to answer, especially in the short window that is available to make that decision.

Waffling back and forth on my stroll through the crowded Orlando terminal, I decided smiling faces and little hugs trump peace and quiet every time.

The boys were very excited to see me. Their excitement, their smiling faces, laughter, and playfulness, are never something I regret getting extra of. Then came the melting.

El Duderino complained of a belly ache to which I offered a cracker. Unbeknownst to me, and before I arrived, El Duderino had forgone his dinner. He was subsequently told there would be no other food if he elected not to eat dinner.

El Duderino honed in on this uncommunicated parental discrepancy like a boxer seeing his opponents hands start to dip. The offer was made, but I was unable to follow through without hamstringing my wife. The proverbial left hooks flew. Tears, stomping, jumping, a full blown temper-tantrum.

Once the wheels come off, it’s hard to get back on track. Temper tantrum’s lead to not following directions. Not following directions leads to undesirable consequences. Undesirable consequences lead to more emotion and less listening.

I couldn’t help but think about the quiet hotel room I opted out of.

I started to regret my decision. I love my boys, but no one wants to deal with a temper tantrum. I began to revisit that question of if my presence would be calming. Would this emotional excursion have happened if I hadn’t come home?

Then I started to think about my wife. This was a more taxing and demanding evening for me than going to a hotel, but this is what she does all the time when I’m gone. Having a 1:1 adult to child ratio as well as another adult to sympathize with After the storm was surely a benefit.

El Duderino wore himself out. Much like the afternoon convection in Orlando, it was a quick build up, a torrential outburst and over as quick as it started.

I stayed up later than I probably ought to have, catching up with my wife. It felt like we were stealing time together. Being “at work” but being able to be home is a blessing in this industry. Heck being at home with family is a blessing for everyone with the way the last few years have played out.

After catching up we fell into our usual evening routine. We put on whatever show we are watching together, have a drink, and do some light stretching and mobility work before bed.

We happened to be on the final episode of Peaky Blinders that evening. Birmingham gangsters who have been through the full gamut over 5 seasons are having a toast to their remaining family.

The head of the family Tommy Shelby says, “To family, sometimes it is shelter from the storm. Sometimes it is the storm itself.”

Here’s to to my own little slice of serenity, and my own personal storm front. I love you all to the moon and back, and I’m on my way home.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Chronic

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As I’m finishing up training on my new aircraft and trying to squeeze in some research work I came across the concept of synchronic vs. diachronic language. It is an important distinction, and one that I wanted to share.

Last week we talked about philology. The study of language and words as they change through time. Philology has a focus on determination of intent. What did the chosen words mean at the particular time of use, and what did the author or orator intend to communicate?

Philologist are concerned more with validation and interpretation of documents and texts. Etymologists focus on the origin and development of words, which brings us to today’s focus.

Diachronic: of or concerned with phenomena, such as linguistic features, as they change through time.

Synchronic: of or concerned with phenomena, such as linguistic features, or of events of a particular time, without reference to their historical context.

Linguists have figured out (at least in an academic sense since I don’t actually know any linguists) that a word’s meaning and communication intent change over time. The same word does not have the same meaning as time flows and cultures shift.

Studying how words change through time (diachronic) is interesting. It reveals a lot about the people using those words. How their communication needs shift with new technology, cultural norms, and ideas. How those words need to evolve or be created to meet those needs.

The study of words under a synchronic frame is a much harder task if you take the definition at face value. Like taking a Polaroid picture but ignoring how everything got into place. It is studying in a time bubble.

We would never examine a person this way. If someone makes a decision or initiates some sort of action. That action is not examined in a bubble, but rather in the context of the person’s history. How were they raised? What kind of transformative experiences have they had? What kind of learning, friends, hobbies, are they engaged in? What type of people do they associate with?

The action can only be viewed effectively through these many lenses. There are so many events and factors that lead up to every decision. To ignore them and view decisions in a vacuum seems at best a disservice, and at worst an intentional misrepresentation.

But with words we have a unique ability to take a snapshot in time. Specifically with regard to communication intent. When words can have multiple meanings across multiple contexts, the communication intention is what matters in a synchronic sense.

Synchronic and diachronic language both have their place in understanding, and they are united by empathy.

“I’m not sure if that move is legal, but I also can’t count that high, so let’s call it a draw” (Speedy, probably*)

You might not agree with someone’s word choice. You may even find a particular word choice incorrect or offensive. However, without knowing the author/speaker’s diachronic and synchronic understanding of the word in question, their communication intention, you have an incomplete set of data to assess.

Empathy and exploration of their intention, finding out how they have chosen words in the past, and what they intended they’re words to convey in the vacuum of a particular communication exchange, while challenging and time consuming. Will ultimately lead to more understanding and serenity.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

A Thousand Ones

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I was listening to Joe Rogan conversation with General H.R. McMaster and he made a comment that reminded me of something an old boss used to tell me

While describing the recent US military withdrawal frome Afghanistan, McMaster posited the question, “did we fight a twenty year war, or did we fight a one year war, twenty times?”

My old boss, a man who is largely responsible for my professional and career development, used to ask, “Do you have one thousand hours, or one hour, a thousand times?”

The things you learn in those thousand hours

The thought being, there are components of experience, familiarization, and competence that are gained with the accumulation of hours. But that accumulation only takes place if you learn the lessons rather than repeat the same processes of your first time. In other words, have you grown and progressed?

This seems like it should be a given. If you have flown an airplane for a thousand hours there is bound to be some growth and learning. If you have fought a war for twenty years you should have picked up a thing or two.

Learning is hard. Growth is not automatic. The human condition often defaults to the path of least resistance. This is how you end up with “one hour, a thousand times” without some of the requisite lessons learned.

Sure that might be something of an exaggeration, but the concept is there. That’s one of the primary reasons why we have assessments. Every child in a classroom receives the same number of hours of content, but they are assessed to measure their growth and proficiency.

Pilots have intermediate assessments (stage checks) and check rides. There are defined minimum hour criteria to be eligible for a check ride. The check ride itself is a way of verifying that you have accumulated the skill and mastery of those combined hours. Rather than merely repeating the same hour over and over.

This was something I struggled with in the beginning of my professional aviation career. I was a great student in the classroom, and in the airplane. When told what was important, I could immerse myself and learn. The professional world is not always so cut and dry. There is a reason academics tend to stay in academia.

If you are fortunate, someone in the professional world will take you under their wing (aviation pun intended). They can help you sort through what is critical. What to focus on. Push you to grow.

Without that kind of mentorship. That professional nurturing. You are left to your own devices to accumulate knowledge and experience. The risk of repeating your solitary hour grows.

Daddy made it home and he brought treats

I see that lesson more clearly now as a father. My boys need to “build their hours”. But, I can be there to guide them. Making sure their hours accumulate rather than simply repeat.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat, zwift double headers and a few days at OBJJ

Debt

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I wrote a few weeks back about Pappyland, a book following the van winkle family and their generational story through the booming bourbon market. The writing even after just a small snippet struck such a chord with me that I bought the book and could hardly put it down. After finishing it, I wanted to share my thoughts especially as they fit in with the overarching themes of the blog.

Whright Thompson spends a few years researching the book getting to know Julian Van Winkle, the bourbon industry as well as the family’s complicated history. The story follows four generations from “pappy”, Julian’s grandfather, all the way to Julian’s son Preston, who is learning at his father’s side.

Maple syrup lollipops from Vermont (what does a father, especially one who travels, owe a son?)

Thompson weaves his own relationship with his father as well as his journey towards becoming a new father into the novel which becomes more about family than it does about bourbon.

“Meeting with Julian and making him talk about his family made me ask myself the same question I’d been asking him: What did I owe my late father? What did I owe a grandfather I never met? What is demanded of a son or a daughter? What was demanded of me?”

Both Julian and Wright’s fathers died of illness before their time. Both sons felt the weight not only of the loss, but of the pressure to live up to family expectations. To succeed and press on in ways that the previous generation was unable to, for one reason or another.

The idea of raising a child, makes you reflect on those questions. If you are fortunate enough, and live in enough comfort to be introspective, having all of your needs met, you inevitably owe a debt to your parents. One that I’m not sure can ever be repaid.

Even if that debt is never tabulated, called in, or otherwise made tangible, it exists. It is an unspoken calling across generations to fulfill potential. To create, and affect, and change, hopefully in a positive and lasting way some part of this world.

In the acknowledgements Thompson writes to his young daughter telling her “let me save you some soul searching: you don’t owe me anything”. He goes on to say that he loves her unconditionally and that the book is for her.

I love his work, and I am inspired by it. Especially as I tackle my own literary project. Still, I think he misses the mark. After his deep and moving coverage of the VanWinkle family, it seems to.me there is always some form of generational debt.

The unconditional love and the debt are not mutually exclusive. If your parents did right by you, whatever their faults and failings may be, a debt is owed. It may not even be payable to them. It may be payable to yourself. But, a debt is owed.

My own feeble attempt then, to answer those questions.

Mom and Dad, I cannot thank you enough for the foundation you laid for me, and especially now for my family. There are lessons that are poignant in my mind, that I feel obliged to pass on. Traditions and relationships that I vow to maintain. An idea, of a fulfilled life that I will strive towards. These are the things I feel are demanded of me as a son.

Speedy and El Duderino, you are loved unconditionally. Your mother and I will support you to the best of our abilities in your endeavors. But you owe a debt, mostly to yourselves, but in a small part to us. To try, to engage, to grow, to explore and experience. In short, to live a life with purpose.

These are broad strokes intentionally. There are innumerable paths you both may choose. Following any of those paths in earnest, with intention, grace, and maybe even a touch of serenity, will clear any debt that may be owed.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Reset

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. After a short hiatus for a family vacation I’m back and better than ever, and that is exactly what I want to talk about.

My wife and I drove out two boys nine plus hours from Florida into the North Georgia mountains for a family getaway. A change of pace and a change of scenery. There is something about cresting that first ridge about an hour north of Atlanta, seeing the southern tip of the Appalachians standing solemnly yet inviting in the distance, that raises my hopes as much as it raises in elevation.

I didn’t realize how much I missed terrain, until I moved to a place that has so little of it. Florida has its own natural beauty for sure, but there is a majesty in mountains that is sorely lacking in the sunshine state.

We settled into a daily routine of sorts with the boys. We would traverse the steep and winding switchbacks of the mountain roads each morning, trying to appreciate that aforementioned majesty while also fighting back motion sickness (especially for El Duderino and my wife) each day brought a new hike, waterfall, or state park and a small mountain town to explore.

Ana Ruby Falls, Helton Creek Falls, Rocco’s Swinging Bridge

The boys loved it. There is something magical about the mountains, the outdoors, new places, and the synergy of all three for little boys. My two Florida babies where totally unencumbered by the low temperatures and their embarrassingly bulky winter clothes. The Buffalo native in me would be unable to resist poking fun at the collective family’s attire if my thinned out Florida blood could stop shivering long enough to do it.

I loved it too. I cherished it. It was a special time and place to share with family, but it was also a reset for me. Reflecting back on the month of December and the posts I wrote, there is a sense of melancholy. There is pride, and accomplishment, and desire, but it is somewhat tainted by that nagging feeling that all of these things did not awaken in me a sense of joy or fulfillment that I had hoped they would.

That is not to say that the time or activities from December were without value, or that melancholy is negative in it’s entirety. But, it made me appreciate the reset in the mountains that much more.

This study from Japan, shows significant decreases in oxidative stress, pro-inflammatory markers, and serum cortisol levels (a stress hormone) from a cohort who engaged in “forest bathing”

This study from a University of Utah professor shows an increase in problem solving, creativity, and other prefrontal cortex mediated executive processes, after spending a prolonged time in nature, both hiking as well as disengaging from multi media technology.

There was no shortage of cell phone usage, Disney shows, or championship football (how bout them Bills) while we were in the mountains, but the rejuvenation I know I felt, and I believe my family shared in, was tangible.

I have talked in previous posts about the almost temple like sanctity of a wrestling or jui jitsu mat, or a frisbee field. There can be a special feeling crossing the threshold, like the baseball players from Field of Dreams, nothing exists there but the purity of the game. Everything else melts away. Serenity, even if only for the briefest of moments.

The mountains gifted me that same sensation. Sometimes in small doses, and sometimes in heaping truckloads. It was a much needed and very welcome reset. One I am delighted to have shared with my family, and in some small part with you, the reader, as well.

The kettlebells made the trip to the mountains too

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Rendezvous

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about the building blocks of those truly special moments in our lives. What is it that makes those particular encounters stick out and remain in the ever present collection and archival of our memories?

It think one of the most important building blocks in making memories is you. By that I mean, who you are on that day, in that time, and the context of your own personal journey that you bring to the excursion. Your mental, emotional, and physical state, and your ability and willingness to embrace the experience at hand all shape the memory.

Scampering up to double arch as a family

I have a very distinct recollection of a conversation with a young lady at a bar (in my single days of course) where I was instantly put off from any further interaction. She was lamenting the lack of things to do in Melbourne FL as compared to NYC.

She insisted that without the plethora of new restaurants and activities the city had to offer, she was doomed to a life of boredom. I tried to persuade her that new experiences were just as much about your mindset and approach as they were about the venue itself. Needless to say she was not persuaded and we went our separate ways.

I was training for Ironman FL at the time, and covering the same miles, finding the familiar cracks in the pavement and passing by the same landmarks each training session was still new, in spite of the familiarity and repetition, because I was a different person than I was the day before.

I think the next building block of those special memories are the people that are with you. There are some things that must be accomplished and experienced alone, and these become a part of who we are, but by and large we are social animals, who share experiences.

I relish in my individual athletic pursuits of triathlon and grappling, and I very much appreciate my solo time on layovers (especially since having children), but one my most powerful memories is the Canadian Schoolboys regatta in 2003. I believe it is so powerful because it was a collaborative effort with my best friends in highschool.

The five of us crossed the finish line in St. Catherine’s exhausted and anxiously awaiting the results, as the crew from E.L. Crossley had closed the gap in the closing meters of the race. In our depleted state we misread or misunderstood the results illuminated on the LED screen on the tower above us, and lamented our loss in the home stretch after having led most of the race. Our despair was short lived as our coach shouted from the overlooking cliff “(friend’s last name) you idiot, you won”. That collective reversal of despair to elation, shared amongst friends and brothers in competition, etched in my mind a memory that is powerfully potent all these years later.

Arduous sunrise trek up to delicate arch

One of the final building blocks of those raw and visceral memories is the what/where factor. There are some places and events that have a special effect on us. Scarcity has always been a driving force in value, thus remarkable landmarks or events that are one of a kind, or happen infrequently become inherently more valuable.

This past week my brother and I set out with my mom on an adventure for her birthday. We covered some 900 odd miles of driving, 15+ miles of hiking, and 6+ miles of paddling across the American southwest in three days, during a record heatwave.

Brotherly competition knows no age limits

The special combination of beautiful landscape, present company, and my own mental/emotional headspace made for a trip I will always remember, and be forever grateful for.

Being with my mother and brother, sharing in the picturesque natural phenomena, and momentarily suspending the rigors of work and the demands of being a father and a husband, created a consumate canvas on which to make a masterpiece memory.

Thank you both for the remarkable rendezvous.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Family tradition

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to talk about a family tradition I was able to finally get back to.

Part of the traditional polish Easter meal as far back as I can remember in my family has been pierogi. My family makes pierogi the way Hallmark channel families make Christmas cookies.

There is an assembly line of pierogi production that involves the whole family and consumes not only the entire kitchen but also the entire day.

The dough is made from scratch, rolled and pressed into circular form, before being stuffed and crimped. The cabbage (a family favorite) is sauteed for hours before being ready to fill the pierogi.

Each pierogi has to be boiled and quick cooled before being stored. The pierogi have to be wrapped so they don’t stick to each other in the freezer when it is time to fry them.

I have bypassed this family tradition and labor of love for the past three years since El Duderino was born. Every year I said I wanted to do it, and Easter came and went without me making the time.

Speedy helping crimp pierogi, and acting as official taste tester

The past year has put a lot of things in perspective and a family tradition was not something that I was going to pass on again.

That said, pierogi production isn’t exactly a toddler friendly activity. So my wife and worked together to make sure we could keep the boys active and still share the tradition with them.

She took El Duderino out for the morning and afternoon while I worked at a furious pace during Speedy’s morning nap. I then finished production one handed while holding Speedy after we both stopped for a lunch break.

Despite the fact that El Duderino has passed every time I’ve fried up some pierogi, I’m glad I made the time to share this tradition with my boys, and my family.

There are always a plethora of excuses not to do something, especially with two young boys ruining around. One of my biggest parenting struggles, is deciding what things I want to pass down to my boys and what things inevitably fall by the wayside.

This year family tradition for back in the win column, and I mean to keep it there.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Happy Easter

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. Easter means a lot of different things to different people. It is beyond the scope or intention of this blog to really hammer out religious theology, but one of the over bearing themes of the holiday is new life.

The last two weeks have been crazy for everyone. COVID-19 has us living a new life that I think it’s safe to say most of us, weren’t prepared for. I’ve been very blessed to be home with my family, not working, (by choice for the most part). We have just been living, and adjusting to what life looks like with four of us instead of three of us.

Outside of some wierd grocery sterilization practices, the last two weeks wouldn’t have been that different for us had there been no virus. Which got me thinking about Easter, and our new life.

This virus has already, and will continue to cause an untold amout of suffering. From the direct impact of human loss, to the economic damage, to the psychological stress placed on everyone, no one is untouched by this. However, many of us will emerge from this relatively unscathed. Businesses can be rebuilt, events can be rescheduled, and we will be able to get back to a new life after all of this. The blessing, the silver lining, is in choosing that new life.

There’s a new sheriff in town. Daddy’s sunglasses, and great grandpa’s hat

Right now my days are filled with wrangling a toddler, juggling the needs of a wife who isn’t supposed to lift anything, and trying to keep a two week old alive. There isn’t much room for anything else. Am I worried about keeping my family healthy? Absolutely. Do I think about my friends and family that are outside my little quarantine bubble? Of course. Am I concerned about the state of the airline industry or the broader economy? Sure. But the pressing need, the top priority, is just living. Being a husband, being a father, raising strong, smart, healthy boys.

I don’t know what the world looks like after all of this, and I can’t fathom the suffering that has and will be caused. In my own circumstance though, I’m thankful for the ability to reset, to reevaluate, and to begin a new life with a fresh perspective.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s Serenity through Sweat, an extra sweaty and windy 10k. The Florida weather has been a blessing allowing us to be outside as opposed to our northern neighbors, but the midday temps when both kids and my wife are napping, makes sure I earn my moniker.

Paradigm Shift

There is a lot of craziness in the world right now. There is great cause for anxiety and fear, but also great cause for optimism. Following Maslow’s hierarchy, I think we are all due for a reset and a paradigm shift.

If you aren’t familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy, it goes like this. There are different levels of human needs which must be met in a ascending order prior to moving on to the next step. The idea is, as humans we are motivated by these needs until they are fulfilled. The hierarchy goes: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self actualization.

Prior to the Covid-19 outbreak, most readers of this blog where probably oscillating between levels 3-5. Not worrying about their job, where their next meal was coming from and having at least some form of social support structure either family or friends. The last two levels are tricky to obtain and maintain, and while Serenity through Sweat as an idea is a big part of it for me, they are largely “first world struggles”.

This pandemic will change a lot of that. We are just starting to see large scale closures in the U.S. The larger economic, social, and emotional/psychological impacts have yet to manifest. But, it is likely many of us will be focusing on primarily on levels 1-3 in the hierarchy for the next few months.

Like I started the post with, this can be a cause for anxiety and fear but also an incredible opportunity. This will be an opportunity to find our own strength, creativity, and innovation. An opportunity to solve problems we weren’t aware we had, and sure up holes in a system we were complacent with.

It’s also a time to shift our focus and realign our world view. My paradigm for this blog has been (as my bio states) as a father, a husband, a pilot, and a lifelong athlete. For the immediate future I’m not doing a whole lot of flying. A global pandemic and an immuno compromised pregnant wife and soon to be newborn don’t mix. I find peace in physical exertion and movement, (SerenityThroughSweat, duh) but anything with a group is out for the near future as well. That leaves half of my self described bio in some form of disrepair.

I’m fortunate enough to be in a place where I can still focus on my higher needs (3-5) at least for the time being. I’m nervous and excited to lean in to what that paradigm shift will be. More time focusing on being a better father and a husband, and filling the holes left from the other two large aspects of my life.

I hope that we are all able to see the silver lining in this global event. I hope that we can all shift our paradigms, to realign on that which is most important. And I hope we can each find our own little slice of Serenity.

Thanks for joining me, and stay sweaty my friends.

Today’s SerenityThroughSweat, chasing “stinky dirty” around the neighborhood in the jogging stroller for some morning miles.

Facilitate the Exchange

I attended the Florida Institute of Technology for the better part of a decade. I graduated early with a BS in Aviation Management with Flight, and then continued part time eventually finishing my Masters in Airport Management and Development. The primary purpose of my higher education was always to place myself in the cockpit, but because both degrees are management relayed, I took a lot of business courses.

I have never been terribly excited by business and especially by business classes, but I always appreciate an opportunity to learn. A large portion of that material has been filed away or lost due to disuse, but one thing my marketing professor said always stuck with me.

I don’t remember a whole lot about that class, and I dont even remember his name, but I remember him telling us that marketing is just facilitating the exchange of goods between the seller and the buyer. That phrase and that concept was something that I have used and referred to in multiple different contexts ever since then.

In the marketing sense, facilitating the exchange is about bring buyers of goods and sellers of good together, whether they were looking for each other initially or not. Outside of marketing I use it in many different ways but it is mostly about making things easier or convenient. If there are other people involved, remove the roadblocks to the desired outcome.

In a fitness context I use this idea to remove all my excuses to train. I plan out my week and hold myself accountable. If I need to wake up early, I’ll set my alarm, lay out my gear, and do any prep work I can the night before. With social distancing now in full effect I’ve removed myself from the BJJ gym, but running, cycling, kettlebells, sandbags, and the Monkii system are all tools at my disposal. If I’m in dad mode all day I’ll run with the stroller or do push-ups with El Duderino on my back. The point is I do what I can to facilitate my fitness

In a personal context, facilitating the exchange can not only help you achieve the outcome you want, but make it a win-win for everyone involved. When talking to your children or your partner instead of saying “do you need any help?” you can say “how can I help you?”. The subtle difference facilitates the main idea (you helping), and directs them down a pathway to make sure that help comes in a way that is needed. If you are asking for someone’s help, do the homework first. Understand your question and what it is you really need before asking someone else to solve your problem. Make it easier for them to provide their assistance

As we continue this period of uncertainty around Covid-19, remove the roadblocks to spending time with your loved ones in person if it is safe to do so, or digitally otherwise. Facilitate time for your well being, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Facilitate communication especially on difficult topics, health, finance, politics, with your spouse, neighbors, employers as needed. Facilitate the way to a better you, regardless of the chaos and craziness of the outside world

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.