Help – Serenity Through Sweat

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week we celebrate El Duderino’s birthday. As I reflect on the past year of his life and all the growth I’ve seen, what sticks out the most is his behaviors surrounding help.

Mayday is a word most aviators hope never to have to use. It is the international radiotelephone distress signal, and when repeated three times it indicates imminent and grave danger, and that immediate assistance is requested.

The origin of the word mayday comes from the French, M’aidez, which is help me. Obviously there is a change in tone, connotation, and level of urgency when alternating between the two, but that is kind of the point. The difficulty as aviators, as parents, and as humans, is knowing when to ask for help and knowing when to say mayday.

This is a hard enough distinction for somewhat self reflective psuedo adults (yours truly), much less toddlers. When should I ask for help, who should I ask for help, and especially how should I ask for help, are all critical communication skills we could all improve upon.

El Duderino is at a stage where he wants to do things himself, but also needs a significant amount of help. He isn’t shy about asking for help, but it often comes in the form of a mayday like call from across the house. The desperation fills the room regardless of whether or not the situation demands it.

I’m left trying to parent the situation determining what the issue is, what type of help he needs, and if he needs to adjust his communication method before I provide such help. It is a lot to evaluate and even more to try to pass on to a toddler. Add on to that the fact that I’m still a little confused on what is the best way to approach the topic of “help”

In the bewildering and convoluted web that is modern masculinity, we end up with lots of different positions on help. Providing help to others, super manly. Needing help yourself, not so manly. Yet somehow admitting you need the help and actually asking for it, is somehow manly.

Picanaha, bacon wrapped scallops, and pork belly burnt ends birthday dinner

What is it about needing help, asking for help, accepting help, and providing help, that drives men of all ages to such silly mental gymnastics.

I won’t try to speak for all men, but I think for me it has a lot to do with conflict, like we talked about last week. There is value and growth to be found in conflict and struggle, and bypassing or shortening the conflict with help, could otherwise bypass or shorten the growth.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that tiny driving force called ego that gets in the way. Mine has certainly gotten me into a fair share of trouble often times because I was too proud to ask for help.

Speedy making friends at El Duderino’s birthday

When I do dig myself into enough of a hole that even my ego needs bailing out, I still struggle to ask for help. The request tends to mimic an old Dave Mathews song and my “grace is gone”. (Not that I have ever been accused of an abundance of grace to begin with)

Asking for help is an essential human behavior, and like most behaviors, it can be taught, learned, mimicked, and improved. Parents of toddlers know all too well how behaviors good and bad can be mimicked.

As El Duderino reaches his third birthday this is a skill I’m trying to improve in myself, so that I may provide a better example to teach him.

So the next time El Duderino starts screaming for help like he is going down over the atlantic, and the reason is that he can’t cram anymore play-doh into the cab of his matchbox dump truck, I have to remind myself that this is a teaching moment, and we could all use a little help.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

A long run, a quick run, and a warm up before an EMOM kettlebell sandbag blowout

I attended the Florida Institute of Technology for the better part of a decade. I graduated early with a BS in Aviation Management with Flight, and then continued part time eventually finishing my Masters in Airport Management and Development. The primary purpose of my higher education was always to place myself in the cockpit, but because both degrees are management relayed, I took a lot of business courses.

I have never been terribly excited by business and especially by business classes, but I always appreciate an opportunity to learn. A large portion of that material has been filed away or lost due to disuse, but one thing my marketing professor said always stuck with me.

I don’t remember a whole lot about that class, and I dont even remember his name, but I remember him telling us that marketing is just facilitating the exchange of goods between the seller and the buyer. That phrase and that concept was something that I have used and referred to in multiple different contexts ever since then.

In the marketing sense, facilitating the exchange is about bring buyers of goods and sellers of good together, whether they were looking for each other initially or not. Outside of marketing I use it in many different ways but it is mostly about making things easier or convenient. If there are other people involved, remove the roadblocks to the desired outcome.

In a fitness context I use this idea to remove all my excuses to train. I plan out my week and hold myself accountable. If I need to wake up early, I’ll set my alarm, lay out my gear, and do any prep work I can the night before. With social distancing now in full effect I’ve removed myself from the BJJ gym, but running, cycling, kettlebells, sandbags, and the Monkii system are all tools at my disposal. If I’m in dad mode all day I’ll run with the stroller or do push-ups with El Duderino on my back. The point is I do what I can to facilitate my fitness

In a personal context, facilitating the exchange can not only help you achieve the outcome you want, but make it a win-win for everyone involved. When talking to your children or your partner instead of saying “do you need any help?” you can say “how can I help you?”. The subtle difference facilitates the main idea (you helping), and directs them down a pathway to make sure that help comes in a way that is needed. If you are asking for someone’s help, do the homework first. Understand your question and what it is you really need before asking someone else to solve your problem. Make it easier for them to provide their assistance

As we continue this period of uncertainty around Covid-19, remove the roadblocks to spending time with your loved ones in person if it is safe to do so, or digitally otherwise. Facilitate time for your well being, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Facilitate communication especially on difficult topics, health, finance, politics, with your spouse, neighbors, employers as needed. Facilitate the way to a better you, regardless of the chaos and craziness of the outside world

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

Tag: Help

Mayday

Facilitate the Exchange