Tag: jealously

Bad Mood Rising

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As COVID-19 continues to direct our everyday lives, and quarantine and social distancing measures carry on, a lot of negative emotions that normally run in the background are bubbling up to the surface. 

Just like the classic Creedence Clearwater Revival song, many of us may find a bad mood on the rise during these times. I think it’s important to recognize we are not our thoughts or emotions, but we are largely defined by our actions and choices.

Having negative thoughts, having a bad day, feeling angry, depressed, afraid, jealous, etc… Does not make you a bad person. Thoughts and emotions are natural parts of being human, and the “negative” feelings have their place. It is up to us to be mindful of these thoughts and feelings and choose to act on them with purpose.

We carry these negative emotions with us all the time. They are a natural and normal part of us. Most of the time they are a small fraction of the whole. Like an ounce and a half of yeast in six cups of flour. But with the right environmental stressors, that tiny amount of yeast can cause us to bubble over. But those emotions can also help us create something beautiful.

Many times over the course of this last week, I’ve found myself jealous of my wife. She went back to work as a teacher two weeks after giving birth, and is maintaining caring for our family with her new work schedule like a rockstar. I on the other hand, am still adapting to what my self identity looks like staying at home and not flying. I know this emotion is based on my own uncertainty and insecurities. It is a constant battle to be self aware enough to remind myself that this is a natural, (even if uncomfortable) feeling, and that my outward demeanor as a husband and father is my choice.

I think any of us at home with kids, particularly toddlers, are finding new limits to our patience.  El Duderino, at two years old doesn’t understand why we can’t go to the playground, or the library, or to see his friends at daycare.  And those frustrations, along with the normal two year old toddler temper tantrums, are enough to test anyone’s mood. It’s my job as his father to maintain composure despite the uncertainty, and throughout the temper tantrums, to foster a nurturing environment.

Now more than ever, Serenity Through Sweat, is a vital part of my mental health regimen. Especially for grapplers, who are normally used to relieving stress by consensual choking, finding alternative and positive physical outlets is crucial. Those negative thoughts and feelings can control us, they can define us, or they can fuel us. The choice is ours, and the path to serenity is long.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s Serenity Through Sweat, my second go around and homemade bread, (the first batch didn’t have yeast) some stroller run miles with El Duderino, and throwing some arrows down range in the backyard happy place.

Embrace and Harness

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. For the moment fitness has taken a backseat to fatherhood (in the context of blog topics, it has always been in that order in life in general). With the arrival of Speedy, and managing him and his big brother El Duderino, life has gotten a bit hectic. Throw in the added complications of COVID-19 and it is easy to be overwhelmed.

I’m reminded of a particularly tough loss in a wrestling tournament I had my senior year in high school. Crying in a mostly deserted high school hallway, not knowing what I did wrong or could have done better in a close semifinal match, my coach found me and gave me a quick pep talk that has stuck with me.

The bullet points were, “be pissed, be sad, be disappointed. Feel all of it. But after ten minutes, it’s time to get back to work and most of those are not productive emotions.”

I think it’s easy to find ourselves in many of those emotional states (anger, sadness, depression) with everything that has changed in recent weeks. Kids at home 24/7, uncertainty about jobs or finances, heck just plain old cabin fever is enough to test your mental and emotional fortitude.

And just like my coach told me all those years ago, I think it is important to embrace those feelings. Ignoring them or bottling them up isn’t healthy. Dig in to them, let them wash over you, but only for a short period of time. Whether it is once an hour, once a day, or once a week, check in on those feelings and realize that this isn’t normal and it’s ok to feel them.

But then it’s back to work…

This isn’t an easy process. Most rewarding things aren’t. This is a lesson I’ve brought with me for the last fifteen years and I’m still struggling with it.

With a toddler at home adjusting to a new family dynamic, a newborn on a two hour sleep cycle, and a wife who isn’t supposed to lift anything after just giving birth, (I still got the easier end of that deal, BY FAR,) my daily to do list is getting more difficult than finding toilet paper at the store. And with those chores piling up, and the sleep debt accumulating, comes the frustration, the self pity, and the jealousy.

Performing for the family is always the number one goal, especially when the shit hits the fan (read: job uncertainty, global pandemic, and newborn). It seems like I’m mostly running on caffeine, but harnessing those emotions helps get me over the hump. (At least until speedy starts sleeping more than a couple hours).

So in between the cooking, the cleaning, and the laundry. After the potty training, the arts and crafts, and the outside play time. And when bath time and bedtime have come and gone, I can harness those unproductive emotions, remember that it is natural and normal to feel them, and keep soldiering on towards Serenity.

Thanks for joining me and stay sweaty my friends.

This week’s SerenityThroughSweat has been tapered back a bit with it being speedy’s first week alive and all. But I have been able to sneak in two Simple and Sinister kettlebell workouts, some push-ups and air squats, and a few rehab mobilizations from The Ready State.

This post was started this morning while El Duderino was playing in the sand, Speedy was in the basinet, and my wife was taking a much needed nap. It was finished while I took the first watch with Speedy and my wife gets as much sleep as she can before he wakes up hungry.