toddlers – Serenity Through Sweat

Control

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This week I want to revisit another Dune quote that I was thinking about while wrangling my raging toddler.

I’ve spent the majority of my life in the practice of controlling and manipulating other people’s bodies. Wrestling and jui jitsu, at their core, are martial arts of control.

The rule sets are somewhat different, which alters the strategies, reactions, and the way that engagement with an opponent plays out. But, both are incredibly similar in the objective of controlling and manipulating your opponent into a certain positions or techniques.

With jui jitsu especially, I’m reminded of another Frank Herbert Dune quote. “He who can destroy a thing, has true control over it”

In the context of the book, Herbert is talking about a natural resource, and that the ability to destroy it, but also the ability to be without it after it is destroyed, is the true measure of control.

In jui jitsu, the goal to submit your opponent often manifests as true control of a joint. Armbars, shoulder locks, and chokes, are all a form of control over another person’s body, with the ability to destroy that particular part.

Jui jitsu is self described as the “gentle art”, because despite the ability to destroy another person’s joint being the main focus, it can be practiced (if done correctly) at full intensity, without fear of injury. The same thing is hard to say for other martial arts especially ones with striking.

While Herbert’s definition of control is incredibly accurate and very fitting for grappling arts, I would submit that it is overlooking a different element of control that is equally as important

The last two weeks Speedy and El Duderino have transitioned back into daycare. They visit a small in home facility with a provider that takes wonderful care of them. Speedy has been happy as a Clam, but El Duderino, being older and having spent the past year home with us, is struggling to adjust.

This has brought on many of the inconsolable temper tantrums that “allegedly” were frequent in my younger years. I find myself now on the other side of the equation, and trying to exert over it a modicum of control.

I find it interestingly ironic that a toddler having a temper tantrum can be accurately described as both out of control, and self destructing. If the ability to control a thing is based on the ability to destroy, one if our definitions needs a reworking

Once again I find myself manipulating and controlling bodies, this time a raging toddler instead of a fellow grappler. With that change comes a different meaning of control.

The most difficult opponents to grapple are those that respond and react in unpredictable ways. That sums up the movements of a temper tantrum pretty well. Once it escalates to a level where my 40+ lb tasmanian devil could hurt himself, his little brother, or start breaking things, I step in with the attempt to control.

With just shy of 30 years of grappling experience, it isn’t hard to keep him in positions where the risk of injury or property damage is almost non existent, regardless of his erratic movement. Just like the gentle art he can be at full intensity and I’m not worried about hurting him. But unlike the gentle art, I’m not looking to destroy anything (except maybe his current mood)

This type of control has, as it’s foundational definition, compassion and preservation rather than destruction. When I’m truly in control of him I’m no longer worried about him hurting himself or somebody else. Just like a wrestler who lifts his opponent off the mat is responsible for his safe return, this level of control is focused solely on the safety of the other.

I would argue that while being able to destroy a thing is indeed control over it, being able to prevent it’s destruction requires just as much, if not more control.

I’ve always been grateful for the many gifts that grappling has given back to me over the years. This new level of control is just one more blessing, and one I look forward to sharing with my boys (once they no longer require me to practice it on them of course)

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Running, cycling, and heavy bag with a predatory audience

Reason

Thanks for joining me for the 100th edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. This past week has seen a dramatic uptick in tantrums from El Duderino, and the following quote from Frank Herbert’s Dune Messiah seemed especially fitting.

“Reason is the first victim of strong emotion”. If that doesn’t sum up a toddler tantrum terrifically, I don’t know what does.

It doesn’t matter what set it off, or what he was or wasn’t allowed to do/have/play with/ etc. Once he is in tantrum mode there us no reasoning with him.

A toddler temper tantrum is a pretty obvious example of reason giving way to strong emotion, but I started thinking about how often I’m guilty of the same thing, (and without the excuse of an underdeveloped frontal lobe)

The past year, with stresses from work, family, and everything COVID, how many times has my reason been the victim of my emotios? The answer is probably too many.

SerenityThroughSweat, breathing, exertion, perspiration, all help tremendously in processing, deciphering, and managing that emotion in order to return me to a reasonable state.

Tantrums lead to boo-boos, boo-boos lead to bandaid mustaches

Sometimes that’s not a viable option for me, and telling El Duderino to go take a lap doesn’t seem like the best parenting for a three year old, so my wife provided some much needed guidance.

From the Harvard Health Blog, the three steps to parenting a tantrum are to validate the emotion, ignore the dandelions, and praise good behavior.

Validating the emotion yelled your toddler you are listening to them and even if you don’t agree, you understand what the are feeling.

Dandelions, are the bad behaviors that pop up as a result of the tantrum. The blog equates giving them attention to watering them in your garden. What you water grows, or the behaviors you respond to persist.

Assuming alternate forms isn’t always result of a tantrum

Likewise, praising cooperative and good behavior will help the toddler come out of the tantrum and back into a reasonable state, or at least as reasonable as a three year old can be.

I think these same principles can serve adults with some sense of emotional awareness. Validate your own emotions. Be aware of them and feel them, but beyond awareness, only spend your time and energy on the emotions and actions that you want to grow, otherwise you’ll get stuck in the weeds.

And if all else fails, go take a lap and sweat your way to serenity.

Windy runs this week, intervals, tempo, and a 10k

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Attitude

Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. I’ve been working my way through Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland while also sharing the the original Disney film from 1951 and the 2010 remake with El Duderino.

There is enough whimsy in Carroll’s works to make them enjoyable for readers of all ages, but also an engaging wordplay that adds an invigorating layer for more adept readers.

El Duderino getting in on the heavy bag training

Alice has just fallen down the rabbit hole and finally reached the bottom. She has spied the most beautiful garden through a small door but is much to big to fit through. She thinks that she ought to be able to collapse herself like a telescope, and that if she could just begin to, she would know how to do the rest.

Carroll narrates Alice’s mood early in the book saying “For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.”

I find myself often reciting my own version of Carroll’s message to my wife and El Duderino saying “not with that attitude” after they have decided that something or other can’t be done.

“I don’t think that bite will fit in your mouth”, or “you can’t carry all those toys in one trip”

A very merry birthday to the best wife and mother

Most of the time this is done in jest, or poking fun at my wife, since El Duderino still lacks the finer understanding of sarcasm. Nonetheless, the truth in Carroll’s words and my own version remain. Our attitude can go a long way in determining what is in fact possible.

All kidding aside, attitude plays a huge part in determining what we are capable of. Whether it is a physical project, a problem you need to think your way out of, or an emotional battle, the right attitude can make all the difference.

Some running with El Duderino to explore new playgrounds

This is especially true with toddlers, and a lesson I’m trying to improve in myself and model for my boys. The range of things that three year old boys are capable of with the right attitude versus the wrong attitude is staggering. The same goes for thirty something year old men.

Just as Alice discovers throughout her adventures, very few things are indeed impossible, but only if you have the right attitude.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.

Trust

Happy new year! Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. As we leave 2020 behind us and move together into 2021, I want to offer the advice of a sage Russian proverb, Doveryai, no proveryai.

I recognized this quote from the Reagan administration, without realizing is origin as a Russian proverb. Suzanne Massey introduced the phrase to Reagan as saying that the Russian’s liked talking in proverbs and he should know some. It has been used in political context several more prominent times since Reagan.

When your toddler is in his room “putting concrete on the road” trust but verify he isn’t spreading lotion all over the floor

Trust, but Verify, is a critical concept and part of the daily routine for both aviators and parents. All the checklist discipline and training in the world is still no substitute for verifying switch positions and systems functionality prior to a critical phase of flight.

Despite how charming El Duderino’s smile is, and how nice he interacts with Speedy, I still need to make sure he isn’t taking up the familial grappling mantle using his 9 month old brother as a drill partner every time I walk out of the room. (Training starts promptly on Speedy’s 4th birthday matching family singlets mandatory)

Despite the prevalence of Trust, but Verify, in so much of what I do day to day, what brought it to mind for me today was science, and more specifically scientists.

I’m working my way through Breath by James Nestor. A little more than half way through, I’m captivated by Nestor’s ability to weave complex scientific research and sometimes ancient beliefs and practices into his own narrative of breathing better.

Last run of 2020 working on buteyko breathing

Throughout the book (thus far) there are a myriad of examples of scientists, doctors, instructors, or other uncertified but results verified “pulmonauts”, whose work has been derided, ridiculed, banned, or otherwise lost to history.

These men and women used various methods to improve breathing in their patients and have both legitimate scientific, as well as anecdotal results to back up their methodologies. Every chapter seems to feature a new brave soul who discovered either the cause, or the cure, to a breathing ailment only to be chased out by scientific peers and forgotten.

Slogging through the wind and the nasal breathing for the first run of the new year with my favorite running buddy napping.

In a very complicated and somewhat oxymoronic twist of fate, good science requires both trust and doubt simultaneously. We as the public must trust scientists to follow the strict procedures and processes that are demanded of true experimentation. Scientists are taught to doubt their own preconceived notions and trust the data. Scientists are also taught to doubt the data and trends that may emerge unless they are repeatable.

Trust and doubt can together be a uniting or a dividing force. They can be used to create the robust science we need for modern problems or they can be weaponized to divide what is already a polarized nation.

Trying to find a rhythm breathing easier through the nose on runs, still a lot of work to do

As we move into a new year there will be plenty of opportunities to be divded by doubt. I think we can all find a little serenity, if we trust, but verify.

Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.