Thanks for joining me for another edition of the SerenityThroughSweat blog. One of the things I struggle with the most as a husband, a parent, hell as a human, is communication. I think a lot of communication problems are rooted in perception, specifically different perceptions of the same event.
I remember first hearing the missing dollar problem on a boy scout trip. I think it was a way to quiet us down on the long bus ride between Buffalo and Washington DC. It goes a little something like this:
Three guys are going to share a hotel room that costs $30 and they each give the clerk $10. The clerk realizes an hour later that the room only cost $25 so he gives the bellhop $5 to give back to the three guys. The bellhop can’t figure out how to evenly split it between three guys, so he keeps $2 and gives each of them $1 back. So each guy originally paid $10 and got $1 back for a total of $9, and the bellhop kept $2. $9 x 3=$27 + $2 = $29, but the three guys originally paid $30, where is the missing dollar?
It’s easy to get caught up in the missing dollar. Like many word problems, the information is there, but the presentation matters. 9×3=27 +2=29 makes sense, is good math, is easy to follow and leaves a dollar missing.
But if we follow the money, the clerk has $25, each guy has $1 for a total of $3, and the bellhop has $2 so all $30 is accounted for. The cost of the room ended up being $27, $25 to the clerk with an invoultary and unknown $2 going to the bellhop. Then, each guy gets $1 back so the 25+2=27 for the cost of the room + the $3 refund accounts for all the money. The focal point isn’t the $27, it is deciding whether the bellhop’s $2, or the guy’s $3 was accounted for in that $27 based on the information given.
It’s easy to get sucked in to either interpretation of the numbers (especially the wrong one) based on your perception. Beyond being a fun math problem to stump your friends and relatives, I think that is the point.
Whether it is interacting with your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, or anyone for that matter, it is easy to get caught up in the wrong perception and fixate on “the missing dollar” of that particular situation. In the age of information, it isn’t hard to find facts or math that supports your preconceived ideas or notions. The fixation that results is often a source of the polarization of so many issues we see today.
In our example 9×3=27+2=29 is good math. It is an erroneous argument, but all of the individual components check out, it just has one piece of bad data. But without knowing, understanding, or being able to otherwise rationalize the correct information, the comfort that comes with the known math outweighs the uncertainty of not being able to explain the more reasonable answer (that the dollar is not in fact missing even though the math doesn’t work out)
I see this most often in myself when I am resistant to changing my opinion even in the face of new information. The original opinion is almost always based on assumptions, information, experience, and judgement, but if any part of those inputs turns out to be incorrect, the logic putting them together still holds up. That is why it is often so hard to change our minds. There is almost always some element of truth and logic to the way we arrived at our opinion.
The next time you find yourself unable to reconcile an old opinion in the light of new information, try to find the “missing dollar” in your reasoning. You might just find some serenity along the way.
Thanks for joining me, stay safe and stay sweaty my friends.
